Tomorrow is the Day

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

And A Happy New Year

I would like to sing this song again and again. Oh, how I love Christmas!=D

And I have a feeling that this year's christmas will be the greatest chirstmas in my entire life. Guess why! Because one of my dreams eventually come true!

I will be going to Japan! Japan, hey! JAPAN!

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I'm showing off in front of you guys. I'm just too excited since I never imagined I can step my feet there. I don't even have enough guts to imagine that someday I will be there, in Tokyo, to experience Winter, to see those unique Japanese cultures, to enjoy Mt. Fuji's view and so on. Wow Wow Wow. You know how much I love Japan and Japanese, right? Nah, now I considered myself as the luckiest person in the whole universe!

Thanks God! Thanks Mom! Thanks Dad! This is sure, more than enough =D

Wait till I come back from Japan. I can't wait to post my pics (although I know I will look fat in that winter outfit, I don't care >.<)

Have a wonderful Christmas, Minna!

Kurismasu Omedetto! Shinnen Akemashite =D

Love ya <3
Jya ne
~Asa~

Live as you like

My dearest sister,

Nobody cares if you're gone. Nobody understands your feeling. You are just a doll. You don't have any right to fight for your life. I don't love you. In my opinion, you are stupid. You are not worth to live. You are the stupidest creature in the whole universe. I HATE YOU!

Hey.

Everything I've just said above was not true. They were all lies. I am lying. I am a stupid liar.

The fact is : I care if you're gone and everybody does. I slightly understand your feeling because we're siblings. (I can't say I understand your whole feeling while you never understand yourself). You are not a doll. You are a human. You have right to fight for your own life. You have your life, you are the one who lives in your dream. You are God's creature. God loves you and so do I. I LOVE YOU! Mom loves you! EVERYBODY LOVES YOU! AND yes, if you're still thinking of running away from trouble using stupid shortcut, you're indeed the stupidest person in the world. I hate you for being so short-minded. You never appreciate yourself. And again, if you keep hating yourself, how can others appreciate you? You have what you want and you still think that it's not enough?

I know how it feels like, when mom compared you to others, but well, what are you afraid of? You know yourself, you are better than others. Can't you just ignore her? It's her trait. You can't blame her for being so caring of you.

Sometimes I was kind of envious when she bought you a lot of dresses. You both are same. Never appreciate what you've gotten. Please, listen to me. Please, you better want what you have rather than have what you want. You want a better mother? She wants a better daughter? Nah, isn't it just the same?

Open your eyes. See that everyone loves you. Mom loves you, even she's kinda selfish. You have been her daughter for 21 years. I thought you know the way she usually treats us. She wants the best for us.

Please go and tell her that you are so sorry, otherwise you will keep saying that you are sorry to me which is then useless, I am not your mom and she will never know that you mean to apologize if you only tell me.Yesterday was mother's day. We did not buy anything for her after all. Don't let her upset. She's your mom. And deep down there inside her heart I know how much she cares of you.

Hey, you get what I mean, don't you? =)

~Asa~

Christmas is coming soon =)

Hey, I was just coming back last night. I went to Sunway to move my stuffs to other apartment, Lagoon View. And yep, I was not mistaken. My mom did not like my room. She said the bathroom is quite dirty, The flat is messy. The kitchen is too small. Bla bla bla and bla!

Hah. I don't care since from the very beginning I know she won't like it. She is kind of  "choosy", she even said that the hotel room we stayed in Bukit Bintang was really smelly. Haiz.

I spent a lot of money to buy my CNY dresses. Okay, and I almost broke my leg because of my mom's incurable disease (shopaholic), she could not help herself not buying those beautiful clothes. We walked around the malls for more than 8 hours each day, hunting for clothes. Actually, it's normal for girls. But my mom, well, she's a bit abnormal. She's scary. You won't believe if I tell you how. Hahaha

Oh yah, Christmas is really coming soon in 4 days. Suddenly I remember a song. It's not really a Christmas song though.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

that saved the wretch like me,

I was once lost, but now I'm found

was blind, but now I see

Silent. Beautiful. Sweet. Meaningful and...

The song brings back memories. I once sang this song in the Christmas celebration two years ago with guitar club team. I miss them. I miss the stage. I miss the celebration. 

Another thing, this song reminds me on someone, whose name is closely related to the song, LOL XD

Well, it's nothing. I'm just talking about nonsense. Forget it =)

Jya ne =D

~Asa~

Wondering... wondering and wondering

This is a short post. I'm just wondering why most of famous people died young. Pathetic.

Lady Diana died in an auto accident when she was 36 years old. Vincent Van Gogh shot himself when he was 37 years old. Marilyn Monroe died in her 36 years old caused of barbiturate overdose. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart suffered from serious illness when he reached 35 years old.

Tragic.

I can make more than 1 page list of famous people who died young if I want to. However, I am just wondering why life has to be so unfair.

Fame. Wealth. Pride. Satisfaction.

After having all those things above, death easily approached and snatched everything from them.

What a pity.

~Asa~

Grateful

God, I feel so grateful right now.

Aku nggak pernah merasa kekurangan suatu apapun dalam hidupku. Memang nggak semua yang kuinginkan bisa kudapatkan dan aku juga nggak berharap menjadi orang semanja itu, bebas meminta apapun yang mereka mau pada orang tua mereka yang kaya raya dan simsalabim, semuanya dikabulkan.

Aku menginginkan sedikit tantangan untuk mendapatkan sesuatu. Aku ingin agar aku lebih berusaha untuk mendapatkan apa yang sungguh-sungguh kuinginkan. Sayangnya belum sempat aku mengerahkan seluruh tenaga dan kerja kerasku, aku sudah mendapatkannya.

Therefore, I don't really appreciate how worthy money is.

Tapi sekarang aku mengerti, aku mengerti betapa nggak tau dirinya aku, sekaligus betapa beruntungnya aku terlahir di keluarga ini. Aku nggak punya keluarga yang kaya raya bak di sinetron-sinetron, yang rumahnya sebesar istana dan semewah hotel bintang lima. Tapi aku bangga dengan rumahku, karena aku merasa nyaman tinggal di dalamnya.

Keluargaku bukan keluarga bangsawan, mereka nggak kaya raya, tapi aku merasa tercukupi, dan bahkan ini semua lebih dari cukup. Aku nggak kelaparan, aku punya baju-baju bagus dan aku bisa memakai produk kecantikkan mahal (walau aku ragu apakah sebenarnya produk itu ada efeknya atau nggak), yang jelas, aku cukup senang hidup di dunia ini. Tanpa suatu kekurangan pun.

God, I wanna thank you for what You've given to me.

Aku nggak pernah mengecap bagaimana kemiskinan itu. That's why I don't have enough idea on how cruel the world is.

Manusia rela melakukan apa saja demi uang. Mereka mencuri, membunuh, menipu, dan lainnya demi uang, demi sesuap nasi. Aku mungkin nggak akan mengerti kenapa mereka melakukan hal-hal picik itu karena aku nggak pernah tau bagaimana kemiskinan itu, aku nggak pernah merasakan kelaparan (kelaparan dalam arti sesungguhnya) dan menderita karena nggak punya uang sepeserpun.

Pernah dengar bagaimana seseorang merampok kaca spion mobil di lampu merah kemudian menjualnya demi uang? Pernah dengar soal penculikan anak yang sering terjadi beberapa tahun lalu? Pernah dengar soal orang-orang yang mencuri minyak dari tangki minyak truk yang kebetulan sedang berada dalam kemacetan? Pernah dengar kasus pencopetan di jalan raya, dimana mereka merampas tas target dan langsung lari begitu saja, bahkan sampai ada yang ditusuk dengan pisau? Pernah dengar semua itu?

Yes, I guess you have heard about those. Were they doing crime just for fun?
Stop kidding. They want money. Money. Money and Money!

Apa mereka nggak bisa menemukan cara lain yang lebih pantas untuk mendapatkan uang demi kehidupan? Apa memang nggak ada lagi cara lain selain tindak kriminal bodoh yang akhirnya malah merugikan orang lain dan diri mereka sendiri?

Pathetic. The world is totally cruel.

Mungkin aku sok tau. Mungkin aku nggak bakal mengerti betapa sengsaranya mereka karena aku nggak pernah mengalaminya sendiri. Tapi orangtuaku pernah mengalaminya dan mereka bertahan hidup, tanpa mencuri, tanpa merampok dan tanpa merugikan orang lain. Apa nggak bisa mereka juga meneladani hal yang sama? Berapa banyak orang yang bisa berpikir waras kalau menyangkut soal uang?

Bagiku, uang itu bukan harta. Keluargaku-lah hartaku.

Karena itu, aku nggak bakal mengasihani orang-orang miskin yang nggak mau berusaha, sebaliknya aku bakal mengasihani mereka yang nggak punya keluarga. Dimana mereka mendapatkan kehangatan itu saat mereka membutuhkannya?

I feel so grateful, literally, for having my family with me. The only thing I'm afraid of, is death.

Aku takut kalau kematian itu datang sebelum aku bisa membalas semua kebaikkan mereka. Aku tau mereka nggak butuh balasan, tapi ijinkan aku, seenggaknya membahagiakan mereka walau hanya sekali. Please.

God, please, jangan pisahkan kami. Jangan biarkan seorangpun datang mengusik keluarga kami, karena mereka yang terpenting buatku. Dan kalau ada yang berani melakukannya...

I will never forgive that person. NEVER.

~Asa~

3 days having fun

Ohisashiburi, minna

it means, long time no see, all =D

I just went back from Medan last night after having fun for 3 days. I spent a lot of money. Watching movie, buying some books and dvds, eating delicious food and... of course now I feel guilty. Money oh money, why had you gone so fast? Well, I should learn to be thrifty a bit =(

However, I found some interesting facts there:
1. I found many cute books in Gramedia (am I too out to date, eh?) , They're science comics. Nah, how I envy those youth generations! In my era (I talk like ancient people lol), I never saw this kind of books. The science comics are all very interesting and easier to understand! Only if I'm 4-5 years younger... =D
Oh ya, I took a picture of the books =P

2. I found that actually I'm still interested in Astronomy. I enjoyed myself reading the "Stars and Constellation" science comic for almost 1 hour, while my sister was waiting desperately beside me =P

3. Heading back home around 5-6 pm is not a good idea. Too many lorry. Traffic jam. We could reach Siantar after 4-hour driving! Exhausting!

4. I found there are more public transports than the passengers. "Angkot"s always stop whenever and wherever they want to, which then they become the main cause of traffic jam.

5. Some lorries which were carrying lumbers, might cause many accidents. Sure. They just tied the lumbers at the back, not really tight, no enough safety, which then endangered the cars behind when they reached the ascending path.

Those are what I found =)

Oh ya, I've watched Rapunzel. I like it! It's a beautiful disney movie. Sweet. My kind of story. But, fairytale oh fairytale, it would never be the real life =(

Oh yes, you're right. I am a dreamer. I love day dreaming. Normal for girls I guess XD

I found interesting phrases from the movie:

"Good things come to those who wait," she said. Rapunzel's evil mother. Even if she's so evil, sometimes she could say something good lol =D

And my favorite part is when Rapunzel rebelled her mother. She said, "Every minute of my life, I will always fight."

She never gave up.

Trying was not tiring, huh?

Eventually, she reached her dream!

I wanna be like Rapunzel too. I will achieve my dream no matter how hard it will be =D
Keep fighting!
~Asa~

Err... No title

It's peculiar. Suddenly I remember him. The guy I saw on the shuttle bus.

The tall-big-muscular guy with dimple. I saw him five times and I could feel that there was something different. Here.

He is Indonesian. He stays in Lagoon View, he usually hangs out with his gang, 2 guys and 3 girls. I knew his name. I never stalked him. I just knew =)

I was stunned everytime we met (actually he did not even notice me, most probably he did not even know that I existed =)) But only seeing him, it's kind of pleasure for me. Weird, but sweet. The feeling.

Will I meet him again? =(

~Asa~

Fear

Hey, last night I just told you that if there was a thing I am really afraid of, it would be death, right?

Here, I come back and tell you, I've just found another thing that I am really scared. Listen to my story, then you will know what it is.

This morning was supposed to be a peaceful morning. I was sleeping soundly when suddenly I heard the noise. How I hope I could just ignore it and continue my sleep. But I could not. I woke up and found that my sister was prying from the half-opened door, checking what actually was going on.

I asked her, "Hey, what happens? Ughh, where is the noise from?"

She did not answer. My eyes were so heavy that time. So I decided to continue my sleep.

Suddenly, I heard the noise again. My mom's voice, jabbering, not really clear (was it because I was still sleeping, so I could not hear properly?) Well, it might be. I opened my eyes again, but I could not find my sister. She was not there.

Someone bumped the door. Another door, not my door. I guess it's my mom's door. I tried to set my ears well, so I could figure out what on the earth was happening. And what I expected was not mistaken. It's a fight. My parents were quarreling outside my room. Just hearing it, I knew it was serious. It was a terrible fight since my mom was crying that time.

Seriously, I was scared that time. I jumped from my bed and opened my door a bit. I've never seen them quarreling for months, and the fight was really terrifying me. I don't want to discuss what the cause of the fight was, it's  just too complicated. I only know that my mom was not wrong.

I was terribly sad when I heard the fact from my sister. It's hurtful, knowing that my father cares of his friends more than he cares of his family. I'm so damn afraid that he will leave us someday, get influenced by his evil friends hence I will see my mom crying again. I don't want it to happen. I don't want. Seriously, I want it to be the least possibility of all.

God, help us. Don't let my father fall into that fool sin.

How I hate all my father's friends! How I hope they would disappear and stop disturbing our family!

~Asa~

Death

Hi blog, I know it's not a nice topic to be discussed. I just can't help myself not to think about it since I heard a bad news about my high school friend. It's been around a week since I knew someone's passed away in an accident, and sadly, he's my high school friend.

I may say that we're not close enough to be considered as "friend". I just knew him and he knew me. That's it. We never even said "hi" to each other when we fortuitously met at the school's corridor. We were in different class, different environment and anything happened to him actually was not my business.Well, no offense, I never meant anything, but it's just I did not feel any "lost" feeling. It was mean though.

However, I keep sensing something really weird inside here, my heart, which I really don't know why I do, I just know that if there was a thing I have always been really afraid of, it would be death.

Just thinking that if the accident happened to me, or to people which are close to me and to whom I love so much, I would not know how I react (well um, if it happened to me, then I would not even have a chance to react, I guess), but sure yeah, I am really scared of death. I tried to find the reason, is it because I am not faithful enough to my religion? (I mean is it related to hell and heaven thing?)

No, obviously it's not. I have my belief. I have religion. I believe in God. My teacher told me that if I believe in God, I should not be afraid of anything, including death. I know it. In God, what we are supposed to be afraid of?

Nothing. We are too strong to be defeated.

Well, I have guts to say that, but I just do not brave enough to say that I am ready to die. Anytime. Anywhere. Just think about it, about my high school friend, he was still 18 years old that time. Suddenly death approached him and took his soul away. Same thing happened to my primary school friend. Long time ago, when I was 9 years old, I heard that he had passed away because of malaria. It's just kinda too soon. I mean, you just saw him playing around you, joking and laughing together with you until suddenly you heard that he was dead. Well, it's undeniable shocking, right?

I almost experienced it. The death, I mean. It happened when I was 7 or 8 years old. I fainted for many times. First time (it was still a mystery how it could happen to me), I fainted when I was taking bath with my sister. Okay, you may laugh, but we used to take bath together, and hey, we were still little kids that time! No worries =), I suffered from convulsions. I would have bit my tongue off if my father had not put something into my mouth for me to bite. Hence, they brought me to hospital. They placed me in "ICU" with the "electrocardiogram" thing attached to my body.

When I was eventually aware, I did not even remember a thing. I did not have idea why I was lying down there with many weird equipments attached to my body. They said I was fainted for 3 hours. They were all crying for me. I did not really really have idea why they cried. Did they think I would die that time? Well, to be honest, I felt that I was dying that time. I could not even feel anything. Cold, pain and suffering, what were those all? I could hear nothing also. I felt like I had been already dead that time.

And when I finally woke up, I felt like my brain was empty. I could not even find a word to speak out. I did not have enough energy to talk either. And I still remember that  something was choking my throat, kind of medical thing, I did not know what was that, I just remembered the feel when that thing was stuck to my throat. It's so damn painful!

And not only that. I fainted again in front of my primary school. Twice.

Hell, I don't even want to imagine how if I experience it again!

Now, remembering all those things I had been through, gives me that feeling. I AM SCARED OF DEATH, literally.

Sometimes I remember my brother, Rico, who had passed away years ago. If I had really died that time, I would have met him. Well, it's not the kind of meeting that I really want. I could not imagine also, how my mom would be if she lost her 2 kids, it surely would be too much pain for her to hold back. Now, I am so grateful that actually God is still loving me. He wants me to stay alive, to make my mom happy. God, you know, I love my mom so much although I always make her disappointed. I do not purposely do that. I just cannot find a way to make her happy.

Losing my brother, crying in front of my grandma's graveyard and shocking after hearing another bad news about people around me were just too enough. I just don't have any idea, why there was death in life. Will it be fairer if all people can grow old together, and finally come back to You, God, together also? Losing, sadness, woe, and fear, we will not experience them, or I should say, we will not even know what they are.

~Asa~

25 November 2010

It means, it's been 5 years since the first time I realized that the feeling was special. I don't want to talk much about it, since I know I am not supposed to discuss that thing publicly.

Well, I promise myself that I am gonna forget this feeling no matter what. He does not belong to me, and he will never be mine. Seriously.

I told myself I should stop hopping, and this is what I do. I know that actually hope is a waking dream. But ironic, the hope is not mine.

And again, I am not the protagonist, that's why I should quit my acting. I should face the reality and try to love another guy. Sure. I will do it.

Because I know, my life is better without him.

~Asa~

Late b'day present

I wanna thank my Mom, my sister, my brothers and their girlfriends for the late birthday presents. At least now I know they care about me and they do still love me =D

I appreciate all your effort for doing so, especially when you purposely printed out "TWEETY" pictures for me because you said my face look like TWEETY, Err... do I? Hmm...

My mom gave me a beautiful bracelet. I like it so much, although it's not made from gold. Haha. My sister knew I like swimming and I only have a 5RM swimming goggle, so she bought me a nice goggle (brand : speedo) =D I like it! Thanks!

And you would never expect what my brother, Anton and his girlfriend, Yurica gave me! Muahahaha! It's shocking! They gave me err... errr... hahahahha, bra and underwear! one set! pink color! Seriously, I can't imagine how my brother went to that "kind" of shop and bought 1set of lingerie! HAHAHA XD
But I guess my brother did not come along to buy those things, only his girlfriend. Maybe. =D

 Doraemon's set from Jz, Andi's girlfriend =D, like this! ^^

 Who knows that actually the things inside are bra and underwear? HAHAHAHAHAHA XD

 The strangest present EVER! See, the head and the tail. Did they try to imitate an animal but then they fail to do so? HAHAHAHA XD

 They said, the TWEETY at the picture looks like me =_="

 The greeting card. They printed it =D

All the present, from Mom, Sis and Bro. XD


They are cute, aren't they? =D

~Asa~

Home sweet home

Aloha!

Actually they are true. Home is the best place to stay. It gives me different feeling from when I was staying in my hostel in Malaysia. I like here most! How I hope I could stay in my home sweet home forever! LOL XD

Well, you may consider that I was homesick. That's true. I missed my home all the time. Usually, I prefer stay at home to hang out with my friend. And well... I love my family so much! I really appreciate this three months holiday, although the fact that I will get bored as soon as I finish watching all the dramas and reading all the novels and manga. Hahaha =D But I really want to spend my holiday nicely, I mean, I wanna do something different during this summer holidays. Learning how to bake cake maybe, or trying how to knit etc =)

The pictures above are some parts in my house (my favorite rooms) =D I used to sit in front of my computer, typing and pretending that I was a busy business woman lol XD

~ASa~

Hometown

Hey, I am here, in my hometown

Sekarang ini, aku sedang duduk di tempat favoritku, seperti biasanya. Facing my keyboard, typing, enjoying my night in my own house.

Serius, aku benar-benar senang bisa kembali ke kampung halamanku, Pematangsiantar. Ini kota terhebat yang pernah kutinggali. Aku merasa nyaman di sini. No doubt. Berbeda betul dengan saat aku tinggal di Sunway, atau di kota mana pun selain kota ini (bukannya aku bermaksud membanding-bandingkan). Aku nggak tau kenapa, padahal kota ini sebenarnya bukan kota kelahiranku. Siantar cuman kota kecil yang punya dua jalan besar. Nggak ada cinema 21 di sini. Nggak ada mall (kalau Siantar Plaza dan Ramayana terhitung sebagai mall, lain ceritanya), nggak ada starbucks, nggak ada j.co, mcD, atau franchise lain selain KFC dan CFC. Hebat!

Tapi aku betah tinggal di sini. Ini kota favoritku. Aku suka rumahku, kamarku, suasana di dekat sini, semuanya membuatku merasa nyaman. Aku suka pianoku, buku-bukuku, komputerku, cermin raksasaku, aku suka apapun yang ada di rumahku!

Lain kali aku bakal menge-post foto-fotonya kalau aku sempat =D

Oh ya, sekarang aku mengerti betapa keluargaku mencintaiku. Terkadang, aku malah merasa mereka memperlakukanku berlebihan. Mereka terlalu baik, membuatku takut kalau-kalau suatu saat aku mengecewakan mereka, entah bagaimana jadinya. Sekarang ini aku juga sibuk mengkhawatirkan hasil belajarku selama semester pertama di Monash (hasilnya bakal keluar tanggal 3 desember nanti, membuatku takut setengah mati). Aku harap nggak akan ada hal buruk yang terjadi. Haiz

Bad news, beberapa bulan aku di Malaysia, bahasa inggrisku benar-benar jadi kacau. Hal yang kutakutkan sebelum aku pergi benar-benar terjadi. It becomes Singapore-English =(

Fortunately, aku berhasil menutupinya! Biasanya, kokoku selalu bicara dengan bahasa inggris padaku. Aku berusaha mengembalikan aksenku yang dulu, selama bicara dengannya (sebisa mungkin menghilangkan aksen chinese yang kupakai tanpa sengaja di Malaysia), dan aku berhasil =D

Aku berjanji dalam hati, kalau aku nggak bakal terpengaruh lagi dengan nada itu (pertama kali aku datang ke sana, mereka langsung tau kalau aku bukan Malaysian, karena aku nggak bicara dengan nada sing-lish, tapi sekarang mereka nggak lagi bisa membedakan, apakah aku malaysian atau indonesian) =.="

Well umm, it's time to sleep I guess! Waaah, How I love to be at home again!! =D

Naa, oyasuminasai, minna
kyou wa, watashi wa hontou ni ureshii desu!!! XD

Jya ne
~ASa~

Stupidity

Show encrypted text

Ouran High School Host Club

Saturday, 20 November 2010

Dear blog, last night I just finished watching 26 episodes of Ouran High School Host Club. Actually, seeing the cover, I did not think that it's a great anime. But after watching it, OMG! It was awesome! I like the part when it's raining outside, Haruhi was lost and Hikaru ran to find her. He finally found her inside the church, trembling because she is afraid of thunder. To be honest, I really like that type of guy. Ailie really knows me well, she told me, after watching episode 16 part 3 (she downloaded from youtube), I will really fall in love with Hikaru. And hell yah! I am falling in love with him now! He's totally my type! >.<

 This is Ouran High School Host Club. Dont be mistaken, this is not YAOI (Gay anime), actually, the one who's holding the rose (brown-eyed) she's a girl. When you watch the anime, you will find that actually she is really cute >.<

Hikaru and Kaoru. The twins. Which one is Hikaru? Which one is Kaoru? Errr... I don't know. HAHAHA
But I like Hikaru more (the character).

And...

This is my favorite scene! (episode 16 part 3!) Kyaaaaaa >.<

See, see, see!! WAAAA, Hikaru is totally cool!!! (Although he's skinny, it doesn't matter), I like him! >.<

But actually, he's not the main character, the real couple is

Hikaru and Tamaki. I love seeing this couple. They look cute together!! =D

The manga is nicer I think, because Ailie said they add many scenes about Tamaki x Haruhi x Hikaru (the love triangle!), O-oh, I really should read the manga!!! XD

Suou Tamaki. He's super handsome. I like his face, but for the character, I like Hikaru more =D

I guess, after this, I will keep repeating episode 16 and the last episode! HAHA LOL XD

Love this anime! >.<

Jya ne
~Asa~

Everything is alright

Friday, 19 November 2010

I signed the contract, although I did not really understand what was written there. Ailie read the contract already and she said the contract is okay. Nothing's wrong there. Well, I know I was thinking too much. And after seeing the agent (Amy), which actually the same agent with Jacky's, I know I should not worry too much. Everything's alright.

Actually, I was scared because Caroline's money was with me that time. She handed over everything to me. If something bad really happened and I lost her money (1500 rm, it's much!), how could I returned back 1500rm to her? That was why I was so afraid and asked two of my friends to come along with me.

Well um... I must thank Ailie, at the first place, because she was really helpful yesterday. She asked the girl to give me my new housemates' numbers (because they usually pay the rental fee to the guy there and then the guy will bank in to the owner's account), therefore, next month, after I hand in the money to Yvonne, I can text the guy and tell him that I paid the fee already.

And she also helped me to pack my clothes (I will go back to Indonesia on 22 Nov, and I still haven't packed my clothes until yesterday). She said I have too many clothes (can reach 365 clothes, which means I can wear different cloth everyday). She's right. I brought so many clothes here, so I guess I will just bring back some and leave them there, in my hometown.

Okay, I must thank Jacky also, for sacrificing his sleep to come and help me yesterday. He said he slept at 3, woke up at around 9.50, or 9.55 in the morning (and he said his body's feeling weak these days, dunno he was lying or telling the truth). Well, although he did not do anything much, he just stood there and told me that we have the same agent, at least I felt secure. I know everything would be okay. =)
Sorry for troubling you.

As a reward, I purposely went back to Nichii to take a picture of a flowery dress which I thought suits him a lot (since he's very proud that he's very tall) XD

ROFL XD I feel bad to him, but as soon as I saw this dress, I automatically imagined how if he wears it. AHAHAHAHA XD
Oh okay Jacky, no offense, am just kidding =D

Um, okay, seriously, I want to thank both of you =)

See you next year

Jya ne

~Asa~

Is it a wise decision?

Hey,
I was thinking of moving out from Sun-U Residence since the first time I came here. It's because I feel that the room is too small, the internet is too slow, the toilet is a bit dirty sometimes, and... many other reasons make me really think of moving out as soon as possible.

Well, that's what I thought first time. Now I begin to get used already. Although the room is small and the internet runs like turtle, I like staying here. I like the swimming pool! And I like my housemates (except the girl from Srilanka who smokes every night, that's also one of my reasons why I want to move out from here. Actually, it does not really matter because I know she will be moving out soon. But then sun-u residence management want to increase the price. (It used to be 650 rm per month, but now it will be 730rm. starts from next year)

Three days  ago I found a master room in Lagoon View. I went to see the room with Caroline (my friend from Medan) and both of us seemed to be really interested in it. The room is bigger (of course!), the wardrobe is bigger as well, the toilet is cleaner and sure, the internet is much faster that sun-u residence's. The price is not too expensive. It's 600 rm per month for 1 person excluding the electricity and water bills. Also, from the window, we can see Sunway Lagoon clearly (it's soooo damn nice!). It's on the 8th floor, not too high I guess. (My room in sun-u residence is on 4th floor).

In conclusion (I asked my mom already and settle all things well) I will sign the contract this friday and give her the 2months deposit. But well, why I feel there's something wrong behind this? The way she asked me to pay the deposit was too rushing. Is she afraid that I will suddenly change my mind and run away? Is it normal? I asked the owner's number from her and she said she will give it to me on friday, the time we are going to sign the contract. The honest thing is, I am afraid that they're gonna cheat my money.

O-oh. I haven't informed the sun-u residence office that I will terminate soon, because I am scared that there will be something suspicious from the contract, that make me change my mind. If I terminate too early, I will not have place to stay when I come next year. But maybe I am just thinking too much, huh?

Now,  leaving this place seems to be a bit heavy for me. Why? Is it because I am too lazy to move my things or is it a sign that I will not get used staying there? Now, I am still wondering whether it's a wise decision or not. Somebody, help me!

But I guess it's too late to change my mind.

~Asa~

I hope it was not a bad sign

Hey blog, I just finished my last paper of this semester! For sure, I am officially free now until march next year. I know you can imagine how happy I am. The burdens were gone temporarily (until the time I see my result)-- it's on third of december! I hope I could pass my four subjects (statistic, environmental science, chemistry and biology), Err... yah, actually I prefer higher marks (I mean credit, distinction, but not high distinction, because just see from my effort this semester, I do not worth to achieve it).

Well, actually I want to tell you a story. It's quite funny for other people, but not for me, of course. I almost cried this morning because of my stupid roommate (I bet she wont be upset if I call her stupid because the truth is, she is!). I set my alarm at 7.15 am, but I woke up at 7.30 and just realized that Felita was still sleeping. I know she was going to have an exam at 8 am. Then, I woke her up.

She's shocked, then quickly went to bathroom to clean herself. I went to shower also. I did not bring my key to the bathroom (ya lah, just imagine you bring your key and then you drop it into closet! GEEZZ). So I just entered the bathroom without expecting something bad could happen. I showered happily, since I knew I would end my torture today, right after going out from exam hall!

But then, something that you would never expect happened! After taking bath, I went back to my room. I tried to open the door, but it's locked! My retarded brain turned very fast that time. I knew something bad happened! SHE FORGOT ABOUT ME AT ALL AND SHE LOCKED ME OUTSIDE THE DOOR!!!! HELL!!!

I rushed to chase her (maybe she's still waiting for her friends downstairs--because she used to do that). The lift was stuck somewhere, so I decided to use emergency stairs, and just to let you know, I had not changed my clothes that time, I was wearing pajama! AND BLAH...! She was not there!!

AND TADAAA... the personal duty office was still closed! OMG! You can imagine how I felt that time! The choices are only I would either miss the exam or wear pajama to Monash! HAHA! VERY FUNNY RIGHT??

I almost cried that time. I went back to my unit (using lift this time, if not I would die when I reached 4th floor). I bumped to my room door desperately, hopping that SIMSALABIM, it would be opened suddenly. But it's useless. The worst thing is I woke all people in my unit up.

Suddenly I remembered that they should have another key in security office. I kept cursing on my whole way to the office. And unluckily, there are so many people there, looking at me curiously. I tried to ask the officer and she gave me the keys (but I need to write down my name first and I knew they would charge me 10 rm for the key!).

Then I heard someone called me. It's Ailie. She asked me why I ran around using my pajama, while she's ready to go to uni with me! After I told her the story (I concluded it become one long sentence), everybody there asked her what was actually going on with me! BANZAI! Now so many people know that my roommate locked me. They will recognize my face as the "pajama-girl-who-was-locked-by-her-roommate-and-kept-cursing-on-her-way-to-the-security-office)

HELL YAH!

AND I HOPE IT WAS NOT A BAD SIGN!

(I mean, it did not mean that I will fail my biology!) HOPEFULLY!!

~Asa~

Two-sided

Someone told me that life has two sides. One side is a bright side where people can find impermanent happiness and temporary laughter. It's the side where there are no tears falling down and sorrow is only nightmare. But another side is (I bet many people never even find its dark side, while many suffer from it constantly), that world is actually dirty, impure, gross, full with malice, jealousy, cruelty, hatred and fraud. Life is mean and has no mercy. It's full with woes and tears


And my belief is, life is never fair. Never will.

Like the popular quotes I often hear, "Life is like roller coaster, sometimes you are at the top but sometimes you fall to the bottom."

But isnt it just too cruel that some people even cannot reach the top part? They always stuck at the bottom. They dont know how to push themselves to the bright side of life. It's just too miserable. That's why I cannot stop wondering why God created the dark side of life and let his creatures trap at the very bottom part, without telling them the way to get up. Does He really want us to suffer that much? Or is it his way to train us become wiser?

Dont ask me. I dont even have any idea to answer it, since I have been wondering the answer for long time ago.

I just hope I could find out the answer by my own.

I wish the answer is the latter.

~Asa~

I feel FREE!! XD

Hi Blog, I'm back, with a wide smile on my face

Guess why! Because I know how to hide certain posts in my blogger already. I really thank my friend for this, he taught me the steps patiently, did not care the fact that it's so difficult to teach me (because I am so stupid I guess).

Hey, now I can write everything here. All my thoughts, my feelings and my secrets, without being afraid that somebody will be offended, since I will give the password to only few people I trust. Actually, I dont think I can trust anybody since something happened between me and her. But still I am waiting for someone whom I can believe in.


I know my writings are nothing. They are rubbish. They are childish and nonsense. However, I feel relieve everytime I share my thought here. I find life through blogging (Dwiyanto, 2010)--Well uh, I cited his name because I dont want anybody to say it's plagiarism (Monash is very strict in plagiarism thing) LOL XD

From now on, feel free to read my blog. I will not sue you for breaking my privacy (other case if you hack my password, but you will not waste your time to do such stupid thing). Ask for the password if you feel you are close enough to know all things about me. Haha, but I never promise I will give it to you. =D

Anyway, I havent even started studying Biology. I did not even bother to touch my book today, although I know the exam will be in next 4 days. Actually I revised some few weeks ago, but I dont think my memory is strong enough to remember the whole things.

Okay, after this post, I will start doing the multiple choice questions and revising about genetics.

Jya neee
~Asa~

Keep all alone

Show encrypted text

It's hurt

Show encrypted text

So, let me know, where is my true friend?

Mereka bilang sahabat baik itu, sahabat yang selalu ada di samping kamu saat kamu benar-benar membutuhkannya. Sahabat karib itu sahabat yang selalu mendengarkan semua keluh kesah kamu. Sahabat sejati itu nggak bakal pernah menusuk kamu dari belakang, tapi dia adalah seseorang yang menyadarkanmu akan kesalahanmu dan menghiburmu di dalam keputus-asaanmu.

And they said, true friends do exist.

Kalau itu benar, dimana sahabat baikku? Dimana orang yang bisa mendengarkan aku di saat aku membutuhkan seseorang di sampingku?

And you may think that I am too selfish. The truth is, yes, I am. But, isn't it too normal for being selfish? I am a human. I am not perfect. I never wish for perfection either, because I know no one's perfect. The only thing I want is someone to listen.

Aku nggak butuh seorang teman yang hanya ada di saat-saat senang. Salah seorang temanku bilang padaku kalau kamu punya orang-orang yang bisa diajak hihi-haha bersama, itu udah lebih dari cukup. Tapi, bukannya yang seperti itu kedengaran... amat menyedihkan?

Kamu hanya punya tempat untuk tertawa. Tapi di saat kamu ingin mencurahkan keluh kesah dan menumpahkan air mata kamu, kemana kamu harus pergi? Apa memang nggak ada tempat untuk itu?

Kalau aku nggak punya blogku, diaryku, dan pensilku, aku nggak bakal  bisa membayangkan bagaimana jadinya aku. Mungkin aku bakal menangis sendirian dalam kesedihanku sambil berteriak-teriak frustasi, tanpa ada seorang pun yang bakal menghiburku.

Aku nggak mengharapkan seseorang datang lalu bilang padaku, "hei, sumpah, aku ini orang yang ditakdirkan jadi sahabat sejatimu. Aku memahami kamu sepenuhnya. Sungguh."

Jangan bikin aku ketawa. Aku pasti bakal dengan cepat menjawab, "Aku sendiri nggak bisa memahami diriku, gimana kamu bisa?"

Benar, aku nggak butuh orang yang berlagak memahamiku. Tapi bisakah mereka sedikit saja "berusaha" memahamiku? Aku cuman minta sedikit. Pahami aku walau hanya secuil. Kuulangi. Secuil. Titik.

Aku nggak mau mengagung-agungkan diriku. Aku bukan dewa yang bisa selalu mengerti perasaan orang lain. Tapi dengar, seenggaknya aku berusaha. Aku berusaha untuk memahami mereka, untuk memikirkan perasaan mereka walau hanya sedikit. Tapi apa yang aku terima sebagai balasan? Mereka nggak pernah sekalipun memikirkan aku. Berusaha untuk itu juga nggak pernah. Aku diabaikan dan dianggap nggak pernah ada.

Menyenangkan nggak perasaan seperti itu? When everyone ignores you and says, "Hey loser, you are nothing!"

Bravo! Menyenangkan sekali rasanya, kalau kamu jadi orang yang mengucapkan hal itu. Tapi pikirkan orang yang terkena dampak dari ucapanmu itu. Rasanya seperti kejatuhan benda tajam, dan benda itu menancap tepat di ulu hatinya. Aku bertaruh, dia bahkan nggak akan lagi punya tenaga untuk membalas ucapanmu, seperti, "Shut your f*cking mouth up, garbage! I am not a loser!"

Taruhan, dia pasti cuman bisa terdiam sambil menunduk, seakan-akan mengecil di tempatnya dan merasa seakan-akan dia nggak lagi diinginkan di dunia ini.

And even when you have enough gut to face them, they wont ever listen to whatever you are saying.


Believe it or not, I had ever been in that situation.

It was when I almost did a super idiot decision.


~Asa~

How I hope I could dedicate myself to music

I like music. I like my violin, piano and guitar. I love singing. I love everything which is related to music (Even, I like my music book and my treble clef earrings LOL XD)

I hope I could be a genius in music. Hey, you may assume that I am selfish and greedy. I want to be mucisian, writer and scientist. But just dont blame me, I cant stop loving music and writing. I love food and science also, that's why I'm majoring food science in Monash University.

 This is my lovely violin. It's made in Korea. First time I wanted to buy Japan's one, but it's out of stock that time. But I did not regret buying this violin, because it is the greatest violin EVER! I LOVE THIS VIOLIN!! >.<

 This is Zach, my guitar. I learned to play guitar about three years ago. I am not pro yet, but at least I could play some songs (chords) and some classical songs =D

My piano behind me, then my violin (with white case, cool right?) Then, it's me playing the violin (actually, I cannot remember what song I played that time) LOL


Until now, I still love playing my violin and guitar, I brought them here (to Malaysia). Every week at least I will play them once.

I am supposed to be in grade 6 now, If I did not fail my grade 5 exam. I was so unlucky that time. I injured my left hand. I could not play violin until 1 month. When the exam approached, I did not have time to practice. Actually, I only needed few marks to pass, but the stupid examiner did not let me pass. It made me sad.

My friend said (she's my senior who I admired so much), grade 5 is really difficult, so it's not my fault if I failed the exam. She said she only got pass for the exam, and even my music teacher (she's considered to be a genius) she ever failed her grade 5 exam! I could not believe it!!

But who cares? Who cares for the difficulties? No one. Everybody just cares for the result. If you failed, then it means you dont have enough effort to study, or the worst thing is : you dont have talent.

Although my teacher said I have talent, and I have the right feeling in playing the songs (not everybody can do it), the failure still made me feel depressed.


I wish for another chance, please...

Another Lesson

I was taught another lesson by someone I dont know last night. Weird, eh?
Whoever he is, I considered him as an angel who was sent by God to help me, to comfort me and to let me know that I should not give up.

Yesterday someone sent me a message from facebook. I dont know him. He doesnt know me either, he said. But then I was astonished when I read the message. He said, "Good luck for your study in Monash. I know you can do it."

I asked him back, then I know the reason. He graduated from Monash about five years ago. He took electrical and computer engineering that time. It's a tough major, I know. Next, we started to have a small chat.

He told me how lucky he was because he had a chance to study in Monash University. He asked me to enjoy my life here, no matter how hard it will be. He admitted that he felt suffer too in Monash last time, especially in his last year thesis. However, everything was already passed and became memory. Later on, one of my best memory will be on how I struggle in my education and I will be proud of myself. He encouraged me to keep going on. Dont let myself down.

God, I know You sent him to motivate me. I admit I feel sick here. I dont like here as much as I like my hometown, my high school life and all things I used to enjoy.

Now I feel better. I can find the hope. I can find my energy and my confidence. Thanks to you, Mr. D. =D

He is totally not my type

Show encrypted text

What a nice day!

Hi,
I just finished my Environmental Science exam this afternoon. Okay, I must admit that I misjudged everything. It's not as difficult as I thought. Even, I finished answering all the questions in only one hour (the exam duration was two hours). I felt really excited after reading the whole questions (We were provided 10 minutes reading time). Some of them were really similar to the past paper questions, which I had memorized very well! (Just tell you, even in my dream, I also dreamed about environmental things. See how I felt depressed!)

Eventually the heaviest burden was gone. Now I can feel how fresh the air is, how beautiful the sky is and how... generous God is. Actually these few days I kept praying for my second exam (I did not really worry about Statistical Reasoning, I found it much easier than the stupid environmental thing). I was really scared. I calculated my internal marks and I should get a pass score to pass the exam. I cannot imagine I failed my elective! It's just too ridiculous. You will be taking five subjects next semester (you cannot imagine how busy you will be, with three lab reports per week, at least six online quizzes each week and other assignments are coming to strangle you), it's the same meaning that you commit to suicide!

However, I cannot guarantee that I will be 100% pass the exam. I just do not know how the lecturer will mark my paper. In my opinion, my hardworking for this one week was not useless, because I could do almost all the questions! I only doubted one question about the population pyramid blah blah blah, or maybe my essays were a bit short. But I counted already, it reached 400 hundred words, so no worries! LOL XD

Well uh, two more exams are waiting for me, Chemistry and Biology. I must score well at Biology because it's multiple choice. Surely, it is much easier than Chemistry. Okay, I really believe myself that I can do it! And I know for sure that God is always with me. He loves me and He plans everything for me. Well, I know everything relies on myself (I am the one who will do the examination thus the scores depend on me) but since I prayed for last two exam and these few nights I felt less nervous and more comfortable. I gained my confidence back! (I told you that my confidence level dropped until the lowest level few days before exam) >.<

I really must thank God for always standing by my side. I know He will never leave me. He is my savior and I believe in Him!

Well uh, actually I hope I can finish the exam as soon as possible. I look foward to spending my holidays by doing my favorite activities: watching korean variety shows, animes, japanese dramas, western dramas, reading novels, comics, and short stories, and the most important... writing fiction novel (it's my hobby, since I was too busy and could not do it here)!

Hiyaaa, I think I write too much. Everyone who reads this will find my blog is kinda boring. Well yah, I dont care, as long as I can share the things inside my mind, I dont bother to care about anything (and as long as I do not offend anybody also)! Agree? =D

Jya ne
~Asa~

1 day = 24 hours, but I NEED MORE!

Time flies rapidly. I just remember first time I came here, and my first day orientation (I did not follow it at all because of the offer letter issue, grr...), all the memories are still very fresh. I can remember the whole things. The orientation-bash, the mid-week mingle thing, my first lab in Monash, my first sci lectures, my first computer lab and the first time I met my new friends here. Swear, I feel everything was just happening few days ago. I never realize that it's October already. I have passed my birthday and I will face my final exam on first of November!

I am not ready yet, I have not prepared myself and for sure, I don't have enough guts to enter the battlefield. Seriously. I am not just joking. I am totally scared. If you know me, you will be wondering why I look so nervous lately. It's because of my environmental science exam, which will be my second paper on the second of November! I dont have enough time to study (Well, for this case, I must blame myself, since I kept kicking up one's heels (I mean, having fun) these few weeks. I never bother myself to read at least one paragraph of my lecture notes!), without realizing the fact that the 15 lecture notes contain too much information that must be digested by my retarded brain!

Here again I confess. How I regret I have been choosing this subject as my elective. The lectures are not only boring, they are also DISGUSTING! (Although actually the lectures gave me plenty of important information... Ups... and I hope my lecturers and my tutors will never read this!) But still, the information needs much time to get into my brain! Too many things to memorize, and it's enough to make me vomit almost my whole organs only by reading three opening paragraphs in lecture 16! (About continental drift and plate tectonics, I am sure you are not willing to memorize all things here, or even in mood to read this!)

Okay, actually I have tried. I have tried all methods to memorize the things. I did mind-maping, essaying, etc, until I felt so desperate (I planned to burn all my lecture notes and then just mix them to my tea, drink it, and everything will be just alright, but the thing is, it wont). At the time, I felt so satisfied because I could memorize the whole thing, but few hours later, I began to feel so hopeless again. I've forgotten everything AGAIN AND AGAIN!

Just want to let you know, the only good thing from those lecture notes is: they DO work as sleeping pills! I've proved it. I slept soundly the night I revised the subject, but I could not sleep at the other night I revised other subject (I've been suffering from insomnia this one year).

Also, the mid test (about one month ago) and the way the lecturer marked my paper, really made my confidence level dropped until the lowest level. I've tried my best that time. I revised everything, did the review questions (well you know, I did it under pressure, because the subject was really torturing), but still, I could not get a good mark. It's depressing! OMG!

 My only wish is I can pass this environmental science exam well (just get PASS then I will be very happy already. I dont need HD)! Then everything will be alright. Wish me luck!

Jya ne
~Asa~

Pray For INDONESIA

Father in Heaven, can You hear me? Can You hear all things I am whispering from my heart to You right now? I am not complaining at all. Not this time. There are a lot of things You should listen. They are more important than my stupid complaints.

Please, listen to them. Listen to those sounds. The sounds of woe, sorrow, poverty, and pain. Please look at them. They are pathetic and miserable. I know You never leave us. You will never leave us, not even in a second. You hold us everytime we are in fear, confusion, squalor, and grief. Every second in our life time, You are always by our side, although we never try to find you, never try to please You. We cease to worship You, make You upset, but I know You never leave us. Never will.

I pray for my country, Indonesia, for the earthquake in PADANG, the tsunami in MENTAWAI, and the volcano eruption in JOGJA. Dont let them die. Dont let them suffer. Reach out Your hands for them to hold, God. I know there must be something beautiful behind the disasters, it's just like a blessing in disguise, but please, dont let them suffer too much. Too many souls are missing and too much pain for them to hold back. Or is it really part of Your plans? I know You will never plan anything bad for humans, because You love us. I know You DO love us.

How I feel grateful right now, because I am here. I am alive. I am still breathing with my healthy lung. All because of Your power, Your mighty hands. How lucky I am! I am just a worthless creature. You are my creator, here I kneel down. I just want to pray for my families, my friends, and every human out there, dont them fall into trial. I know You are with us, Father. You offer an eternal life in heaven for those who believe in You.

I believe in You. (I never mean to pretend to be a too religious person. I am just who I am right now).

In name the of Your son, Jesus Christ
AMEN

~Asa~

Long dream

Dear blog, now I just realize that everything was only my dream---a very long and beautiful dream---but now I woke up already.

Father in heaven, thank you for the 20 hours You gave me. Honestly, it's the happiest hours in my life time. Oh ya, you might be shocked because it's my first time came to You, confessed that I am so grateful (I know usually I kept complaining on things), so just let You know that the 20 hours are really precious for me. It's the only moment I feel that life treated me fairly.

But now, I reach a conclusion that actually life is NEVER fair. I never mean to complain today, I just want to let You know. The rest 3 hours made me realize that I could not live too long in my dream. I was drifting in my 20-hour-dream, over excited because the things went well as I planned. But 3 hours after it, I know for sure that life will never treat me fairly. I was sunken in despair although I hope the 3 hours could be as beautiful as the 20 hours, since those 3 hours are still my birthday. I felt life is totally unfair, because even in my birthday, I was thrown into a problem. Ridiculous.

Can life treat me fairly at least for 24 hours? It's my birthday. So, please... treat me fairly just once a year. PLEASE!

But I know even if I beg for million times, the truth will still unchange. It sucks. I can never have one perfect day even if it's my birthday (I know nothing's flawless in this world, but at least I want something which is close to it).

However, suddenly I remember my brother, Rico, who is sitting beside You now, Father. I come to one conclusion again: Life is never fair. It's just fairer than death.

Thank You for the 20 hours. I consider it as a huge present from You. Jya ne

~Asa~

Sweet 17!!

Hi Blog! Today is my happiest day! Guess why, because I am officially 17 now! Although in Malaysia 17 years old is still underage, but in my own country, Indonesia, it means that I am grown up already. That's why Indonesians usually get their Nationality Card when they are 17! There are plenty things you can do when you reach the age 17 (the things you cannot do when you are not 17 yet, in my family, I cannot go for date yet because I was counted too young!)

Now, it means I can really find a boy friend! ROFLMAO XD XD!!

Well Blog, you know what happened last night? (or maybe it's counted as today, because it's 12 in the middle of the night), Felita, Caroline, Jessica, Yuriko, Cecillia and Rachel made a surprise for me! (Belle also participated in buying cake for me, because of some reasons she could not join the surprise part, but I still thank her! The cake was nice!)

It's in the middle of the night. I was replying my friends' wall post (bday wishes) and playing "it girl" game, when suddenly I received a call from uknown number. I picked up my phone and I heard someone's screaming there. Well uh, I recognised the voice actually, it's Yuriko's voice, she kept calling my name panicly, "SAAAA, ASAAAA!!" and then I heard nothing. The call was disconnected without reason. I stoned at my place, wondering what exactly had happened. I tried to call her back, because I was so curious. Are they just playing around? I was thinking also, perhaps they were going to give me surprise for my birthday. It's ridiculous, trying to scare me with that stupid voice.

Then suddenly I heard a scary sound. Someone bumped into my unit door rudely. I also heard my name was called in high tone by someone behind the door. I was a bit scared that time, no body in the house some more, it made me feel a bit anxious. My retarded brain was turning around. Were they going to shock me until like this?

I opened the door immediately, since everybody in my unit seems to be vanished mysteriously. I saw Yuriko was sweating and breathing irregularly, she pulled my hand and said, "Oh My God, something happened just now! You should go downstairs and make sure that Felita is still okay!"

Me : (totally confused, I bet my face was absolutely stupid that time), "Hah? Eh? What happen?"

Yuriko : (tried to pull me) That girl (I should not mention her name here), Felita was quarelling with that girl downstairs!! You should come and see! The fight is going to be worse now!

I just could not think anything. I wore my slippers quickly (I was wearing pajama also that time), and ran after her. Unfortunately (or that's what they wanted), the lift was stuck on 25th floor, so Yuriko asked me to use emergency stairs. Hell yah, it was quite tiring, you know! Luckily my unit is on 4th floor! Imagine, if it's on 10th or 18th floor!

I kept following Yuriko. It was tremendously dark that time. I was wondering where actually the fight took place, because she led me to the swimming pool. Not from a very far distance, I could hear the noise, it really sounded like there were some girls fighting (I heard Felita's voice also, and another voice really sounded like "that girl"'s voice, where as the other voices were likely just supporting voice LOL XD)

Congratulation! I was totally shocked that time! I thought it's the real fight in the middle of the night (my birthday pula)! What a nice one! But then, when I was getting closer to them, I could see a small-pale light (they tried to hide the light, but I still could see) on their hands. I frowned, I tried to look for "that" girl, but she's not there.

Me : (my retarded brain thinks so slow) Huh? What happen? Eh?? Lho??

Felita at al. : (Sang happy birthday song in two version. I could hear they sang the song in both English and Korean) LOL XD

Me : (blinked my eyes, surprise) OMG!

They laughed and they asked me to make three wishes.

Me : My first wish, I hope I can graduate as the best and the youngest student! Err... My second wish (I was too happy and too nervous that time), I want my family will be always happy and in good health, my friends also.

Them : Third wish... Third wish!!

Me : (without voice) Let me find a nice boyfriend LOL XD

Then I put the cake on the table, they started to hold my hand tightly. They gave me cream mask!!! Well yah, I smelled like cake that time. The cream "kena" my hair, my nose, my cheek, all!! WALAOWEEE...

They told me first time they planned to push me into the swimming pool!! YANG BENAR SAJA, I will die lar, shivering the whole night. If they did that, they surely would find my frozen-dead body this morning!! ROFL

Hey, but really, I want to thank them, although the "surprise" part was totally shocking, but I like the cake! I like their kindness!!

It was really a great night! It's the best birthday EVER!! MY SWEET 17!! Hey, really Thank u, GALS!! I LOVE YOU >.<

I was not only dreaming right? I was afraid, it's just only a dream, or my imagination, or the part of fairytale which I read years ago. But it's real right?

And I hope all my wishes will be come true =D

Learn from mistake

Dear blog, last night my friend wrote something about me in his blog (actually I always stalk his blog, that's why I know everything he's written there). The way he wrote about me was really straight forward, I felt like he slapped me with his writings. However, I cannot deny that all things he wrote about me was so right. I acted stupidly, never realize that my thoughts and the way I expressed them would turn to kill me.

Here I slumped in my stupidity, wondering what I would feel if I am becoming the person I wrote in my blog. No one would be happy, finding herself was being talked badly by others (although they never intend to hurt the person). Well yah, now I feel I am really cruel. I am horrible. It makes me hate myself.

Actually, I never talked badly about people in my blog or in my facebook, until few days ago, maybe I was so in bad mood that time. I just wrote everything without thinking, without filtering my words and without considering the consequence. Now I just realize that I am so so so sooo totally definitely STUPID! I hope I could disappear, at least for a while until I stop feeling guilty. Is it normal for people to feel so damn guilty after making mistake? Or is it just me who is too melancholic, keep blaming myself for just a simple mistake? OR IS IT REALLY A SIMPLE MISTAKE?

It's not simple. It's serious. I offended others, although I didnt mean to. I know I have my own opinions, but I should not have written it publicly without realizing that other people could be offended by it. I should have been prosecuted because of my own stupidity. How I regret it! Listen, I know all of you have bad impression towards me. No problem, because I, myself, also feel that I am really terrible.

Hey blog, you know, sometimes I really want to be a bad person, who can hurt people easily without feeling guilty. But I just could not make it. I could not hurt others and forgot what I had done easily. Otherwise, I scolded myself how come my retarded brain could think like that! I dont want to be hated by others. I want to be loved although I know I am not lovable.

The only thing I need is someone to listen, because I never have one in my life time. It's just that simple.

~Asa~

My stupid tooth

Dear blog, I'm so sorry because from now on I decide to stop sharing something too private with you. What my friend said is true, everyone in this world can read you, and everyone can be offended although I didnt mean to hurt him/her. Well yah, I think it's a wise decision though. I still have my notepad and my stupid diary with me. World does not end yet. LOL XD

Hey, today is not a good day. My stupid teeth kept pulsating the whole night. It's very painful and made me feel sick. I could not sleep again last night. I thought I can bear it until I go back to my hometown, because I have made an appointment with the young dentist there (I have paid some more).

My mom told me last night, if I really cannot stand it, I should go to hospital and check what's going on with my ugly tooth. I knew it could spend a lot of money and I was not mistaken also. I spent 375 RM just for my stupid tooth cavity. My brain then started to calculate, that using those 375 RM I could buy a lot of clothes and other cute stuffs! In addition, those 375 RM is just for one service. The other services I should pay again next time when I come (I need 3 times service to cure my cavity). What a waste of money!

And I spent my precious 5 hours by sitting at waiting room, watching a stupid TV show (It was about a little boy and a huge monkey), that made me feel sooooo damn sleepy! I should have brought my book there, so I could study for exam. But it's useless, since I could not concentrate because my tooth kept hurting me. It's almost exam, but hell yah! I havent prepared myself at all.

Okay, I have revised a bit about physical chemistry (left the last chapter only). However, for organic and inorganic chemistry, I am totally blind. I dont like those two subjects. They really can murder me!

Well uh, stop talking about organic and inorganic chemistry, now I feel like having headache. For biology, I am not sure what I have been revising. I dont really like Biology, so errr... Okay, the exam is multiple choice, at least it's easier than Environmental Science (essay questions and need to write two 400-600-word essays). Perfect!

I started revising Statistic since two days ago, but well uh... I really cannot concentrate. Because of "the problem" and my idiot teeth. Tomorrow I swear I will be revising the whole day. Really!

~Asa~

I hate myself

Dear blog,
Cuman kamu satu-satunya yang jadi pendengar setiaku. Aku tau ini benar-benar kekanak-kanakkan, tapi aku nggak tau harus gimana. Aku nggak tau dimana aku harus menuangkan apa yang aku rasakan kalau nggak di kamu. Aku tau aku nggak bisa menuliskan hal yang kupikirkan sebebas-bebasnya, apalagi di facebook yang membodohi orang itu, aku benar-benar nggak merasa bebas.

Hi blog, padahal kukira aku bisa bicara dengan bebas di sini. Tapi ternyata nggak juga. Kalau begitu, dengan siapa aku bisa menuangkan semua yang aku rasakan? Apa emang gak ada cara supaya aku bisa menuliskan semua yang aku pikirkan?

Sebenarnya aku kira nggak bakal ada orang yang membaca blogku (aku berharap begitu), tapi ternyata ada juga yang membacanya (aku memang menuliskan link blogku di bagian kiri profileku, yang kukira bakal diabaikan dengan mudah). Dan jujur, sekarang aku kehilangan tempat dimana aku bisa menulis sebebasnya. Itu membuatku benar-benar sedih. Kalau aku sendirian, aku pasti bakal menangis keras-keras di bantalku. Aku harus berterima kasih juga pada Felita yang nggak tau apa-apa, yang sedang belajar di meja sebelah, setidaknya dia memotivasiku untuk menahan air mata.

Dear blog, apa semua yang aku lakukan salah? Aku nggak tau aku ini terlalu keras kepala (nggak mau mengakui kesalahan), atau memang mereka yang terlalu kasar. Kalau saja mereka bicara baik-baik padaku, pasti nggak akan begini jadinya. Aku kesal cara bicara mereka padaku, seakan-akan mereka pemilik resmi dunia ini sedangkan aku cuma menumpang (aku tau semua manusia cuman menumpang di dunia ini, karena Tuhan pemiliknya), tapi tolong, nggak bisakah mereka menghormatiku sedikit saja?

Aku bukan tipe orang yang tega menjelek-jelekkan orang lain di belakang, tapi aku tipe orang yang nggak sadar dengan apa yang kuucapkan dan biasanya semua orang salah paham dengan maksud perkataanku. Aku memang blak-blakkan, tapi aku berusaha untuk nggak menyakiti orang lain. Benar. Sumpah. Hanya saja mungkin usahaku belum cukup keras. Masih saja ada orang super sensitive yang tersinggung dengan apa yang kutulis.

Maaf, kalau memang begitu. Aku sedang belajar menjadi dewasa. Walau aku baru akan berumur 17 tahun, tapi aku berusaha untuk menjadi dewasa. Aku berusaha keras hingga kadang aku merasa hatiku sendiri kebas.

Tapi, aku masih saja bertanya-tanya dengan otakku yang terbatas. Kenapa orang lain boleh menyakitiku tapi aku nggak boleh menyakiti mereka? Sampai pada akhirnya, orang lain yang menyakitiku, tapi malah aku yang merasa bersalah. Selalu begitu. Itu benar-benar menyebalkan. Aku nggak pernah bisa jadi orang jahat. Sial!

Now, how I hate myself!

~Asa~