It's been a while since the last time I posted anything. I worked like a cow in the past few months, but I am glad that today I spare some time to write. I would like to share a little bit about my experience in a non-profit organization that I devote myself to.
The main reason I join Toastmasters, not because I wanted to be a world-class speaker, but because I wanted to know the true meaning of leadership.
Some people had always been calling me bossy. Most of all because I am the youngest in the family and I tend to get whatever I want. Let's say, I wanted a huge teddy bear to be delivered right to my front door and well, it soon happened. Be jealous, because I did not even have to try. However, slowly I started to realize that life isn't only about getting what we want, but also giving what we have. I know now that it's all about learning to give. To my surprise, sharing and giving back to others affect my perception and my feeling entirely. It's the contentment I couldn't find elsewhere.
Servant leadership in a non-profit organization where we have to work our ass off, sacrificing our precious time, energy and money without expecting any acknowledgement from others is extremely challenging. Not to mention how many times I suffered emotionally and I was about to quit, in the end of the day, I was even called an idiot to have held back those unfavorable emotions at the back of my head. But then, as I reminisced, was it just a waste of time to be involved deeply in an organization which brought me nothing?
Uh-oh, alright. Take a deep breath. Before it offends anybody, please pay attention that I wrote those statements above in PAST TENSE. In the middle of my depressive moments, those were exactly my thoughts. It would be much better if I could neglect the responsibility which I valued like my own life but then burdened me a lot. I really had thought that it brought me nothing but hassle until I realized that it was me who had failed to see it.
I stopped experimenting with my shallow thoughts until I see the true example of a great leader. There might be plenty out there, but there's one who touches my heart. Plenty of hearts, in fact. Even from across the room, I've heard about how humble he is. It's true that people talk about others behind their back, and admit it, negative words usually spread faster than infectious deadly diseases. However, all I heard about him from time to time was praises, admiration and respect. So here I am to spread good things about him as well because I've witnessed his sincerity and dedication. He's definitely an exemplary leader who cares to listen.
To be honest, I was intrigued to know the secret of being a leader who earns much love and respect from everyone. Was it because of his position? Uh well, I would never know, if I did not experience a full year journey of hell. So I guess, we would never know how heaven is like, until we walked in hell, yea?
Not in literal meaning, my version of hell is a leader who never gets things done without pestering others. It gave me an arrogant thought, if only I ran away from my responsibility and also, her responsibility, what was she capable of doing without me? Of course, that was the time when I pitied myself and regretted whatever decision I'd made to have trapped inside. Well, I wouldn't share much about that leader's ugly truths here because I have talked enough about them somewhere else. Nonetheless, making her subordinate bear those thoughts alone was an absolute failure of being a great leader, although she held a position. I am not trying to compare anybody here, but even if I have done it, I wouldn't be sorry.
So, how can be two leaders with position earn different judgments from others? Well, the saints said we shouldn't judge at all, but darling, we ain't no saint. At least, I am not. Added up with my one full year of serving as a club president and plenty of leadership projects that almost made my head burst, I know for sure that position doesn't define power.
It's the IMPACT that matters.
As I reflect, what kind of leader have I become? What impact have I done to others for the year I've served in Toastmasters? Have I been delusional and proud for having the power that I probably never had just because of a position?
All those questions wouldn't have popped up if I hadn't tried committing suicide by jumping to that blazing and vigorous fire in hell. But dear, just because it burns, doesn't mean I'm gonna die (taken from a song lyric, yea you guessed it right). Instead, I got up more than twice to discover the true meaning of a servant leadership. It's not merely standing up there with an important position, but spreading positive impact to everyone we work with.
I used to whine because I thought I served for nothing, but now I feel contented that I've served for something.
Something precious, to be exact.
~ASA~
