Learn from mistake

Dear blog, last night my friend wrote something about me in his blog (actually I always stalk his blog, that's why I know everything he's written there). The way he wrote about me was really straight forward, I felt like he slapped me with his writings. However, I cannot deny that all things he wrote about me was so right. I acted stupidly, never realize that my thoughts and the way I expressed them would turn to kill me.

Here I slumped in my stupidity, wondering what I would feel if I am becoming the person I wrote in my blog. No one would be happy, finding herself was being talked badly by others (although they never intend to hurt the person). Well yah, now I feel I am really cruel. I am horrible. It makes me hate myself.

Actually, I never talked badly about people in my blog or in my facebook, until few days ago, maybe I was so in bad mood that time. I just wrote everything without thinking, without filtering my words and without considering the consequence. Now I just realize that I am so so so sooo totally definitely STUPID! I hope I could disappear, at least for a while until I stop feeling guilty. Is it normal for people to feel so damn guilty after making mistake? Or is it just me who is too melancholic, keep blaming myself for just a simple mistake? OR IS IT REALLY A SIMPLE MISTAKE?

It's not simple. It's serious. I offended others, although I didnt mean to. I know I have my own opinions, but I should not have written it publicly without realizing that other people could be offended by it. I should have been prosecuted because of my own stupidity. How I regret it! Listen, I know all of you have bad impression towards me. No problem, because I, myself, also feel that I am really terrible.

Hey blog, you know, sometimes I really want to be a bad person, who can hurt people easily without feeling guilty. But I just could not make it. I could not hurt others and forgot what I had done easily. Otherwise, I scolded myself how come my retarded brain could think like that! I dont want to be hated by others. I want to be loved although I know I am not lovable.

The only thing I need is someone to listen, because I never have one in my life time. It's just that simple.

~Asa~