Time flies rapidly. I just remember first time I came here, and my first day orientation (I did not follow it at all because of the offer letter issue, grr...), all the memories are still very fresh. I can remember the whole things. The orientation-bash, the mid-week mingle thing, my first lab in Monash, my first sci lectures, my first computer lab and the first time I met my new friends here. Swear, I feel everything was just happening few days ago. I never realize that it's October already. I have passed my birthday and I will face my final exam on first of November!
I am not ready yet, I have not prepared myself and for sure, I don't have enough guts to enter the battlefield. Seriously. I am not just joking. I am totally scared. If you know me, you will be wondering why I look so nervous lately. It's because of my environmental science exam, which will be my second paper on the second of November! I dont have enough time to study (Well, for this case, I must blame myself, since I kept kicking up one's heels (I mean, having fun) these few weeks. I never bother myself to read at least one paragraph of my lecture notes!), without realizing the fact that the 15 lecture notes contain too much information that must be digested by my retarded brain!
Here again I confess. How I regret I have been choosing this subject as my elective. The lectures are not only boring, they are also DISGUSTING! (Although actually the lectures gave me plenty of important information... Ups... and I hope my lecturers and my tutors will never read this!) But still, the information needs much time to get into my brain! Too many things to memorize, and it's enough to make me vomit almost my whole organs only by reading three opening paragraphs in lecture 16! (About continental drift and plate tectonics, I am sure you are not willing to memorize all things here, or even in mood to read this!)
Okay, actually I have tried. I have tried all methods to memorize the things. I did mind-maping, essaying, etc, until I felt so desperate (I planned to burn all my lecture notes and then just mix them to my tea, drink it, and everything will be just alright, but the thing is, it wont). At the time, I felt so satisfied because I could memorize the whole thing, but few hours later, I began to feel so hopeless again. I've forgotten everything AGAIN AND AGAIN!
Just want to let you know, the only good thing from those lecture notes is: they DO work as sleeping pills! I've proved it. I slept soundly the night I revised the subject, but I could not sleep at the other night I revised other subject (I've been suffering from insomnia this one year).
Also, the mid test (about one month ago) and the way the lecturer marked my paper, really made my confidence level dropped until the lowest level. I've tried my best that time. I revised everything, did the review questions (well you know, I did it under pressure, because the subject was really torturing), but still, I could not get a good mark. It's depressing! OMG!
My only wish is I can pass this environmental science exam well (just get PASS then I will be very happy already. I dont need HD)! Then everything will be alright. Wish me luck!
Jya ne
~Asa~
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Pray For INDONESIA
Father in Heaven, can You hear me? Can You hear all things I am whispering from my heart to You right now? I am not complaining at all. Not this time. There are a lot of things You should listen. They are more important than my stupid complaints.
Please, listen to them. Listen to those sounds. The sounds of woe, sorrow, poverty, and pain. Please look at them. They are pathetic and miserable. I know You never leave us. You will never leave us, not even in a second. You hold us everytime we are in fear, confusion, squalor, and grief. Every second in our life time, You are always by our side, although we never try to find you, never try to please You. We cease to worship You, make You upset, but I know You never leave us. Never will.
I pray for my country, Indonesia, for the earthquake in PADANG, the tsunami in MENTAWAI, and the volcano eruption in JOGJA. Dont let them die. Dont let them suffer. Reach out Your hands for them to hold, God. I know there must be something beautiful behind the disasters, it's just like a blessing in disguise, but please, dont let them suffer too much. Too many souls are missing and too much pain for them to hold back. Or is it really part of Your plans? I know You will never plan anything bad for humans, because You love us. I know You DO love us.
How I feel grateful right now, because I am here. I am alive. I am still breathing with my healthy lung. All because of Your power, Your mighty hands. How lucky I am! I am just a worthless creature. You are my creator, here I kneel down. I just want to pray for my families, my friends, and every human out there, dont them fall into trial. I know You are with us, Father. You offer an eternal life in heaven for those who believe in You.
I believe in You. (I never mean to pretend to be a too religious person. I am just who I am right now).
In name the of Your son, Jesus Christ
AMEN
~Asa~
Please, listen to them. Listen to those sounds. The sounds of woe, sorrow, poverty, and pain. Please look at them. They are pathetic and miserable. I know You never leave us. You will never leave us, not even in a second. You hold us everytime we are in fear, confusion, squalor, and grief. Every second in our life time, You are always by our side, although we never try to find you, never try to please You. We cease to worship You, make You upset, but I know You never leave us. Never will.
I pray for my country, Indonesia, for the earthquake in PADANG, the tsunami in MENTAWAI, and the volcano eruption in JOGJA. Dont let them die. Dont let them suffer. Reach out Your hands for them to hold, God. I know there must be something beautiful behind the disasters, it's just like a blessing in disguise, but please, dont let them suffer too much. Too many souls are missing and too much pain for them to hold back. Or is it really part of Your plans? I know You will never plan anything bad for humans, because You love us. I know You DO love us.
How I feel grateful right now, because I am here. I am alive. I am still breathing with my healthy lung. All because of Your power, Your mighty hands. How lucky I am! I am just a worthless creature. You are my creator, here I kneel down. I just want to pray for my families, my friends, and every human out there, dont them fall into trial. I know You are with us, Father. You offer an eternal life in heaven for those who believe in You.
I believe in You. (I never mean to pretend to be a too religious person. I am just who I am right now).
In name the of Your son, Jesus Christ
AMEN
~Asa~
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Long dream
Dear blog, now I just realize that everything was only my dream---a very long and beautiful dream---but now I woke up already.
Father in heaven, thank you for the 20 hours You gave me. Honestly, it's the happiest hours in my life time. Oh ya, you might be shocked because it's my first time came to You, confessed that I am so grateful (I know usually I kept complaining on things), so just let You know that the 20 hours are really precious for me. It's the only moment I feel that life treated me fairly.
But now, I reach a conclusion that actually life is NEVER fair. I never mean to complain today, I just want to let You know. The rest 3 hours made me realize that I could not live too long in my dream. I was drifting in my 20-hour-dream, over excited because the things went well as I planned. But 3 hours after it, I know for sure that life will never treat me fairly. I was sunken in despair although I hope the 3 hours could be as beautiful as the 20 hours, since those 3 hours are still my birthday. I felt life is totally unfair, because even in my birthday, I was thrown into a problem. Ridiculous.
Can life treat me fairly at least for 24 hours? It's my birthday. So, please... treat me fairly just once a year. PLEASE!
But I know even if I beg for million times, the truth will still unchange. It sucks. I can never have one perfect day even if it's my birthday (I know nothing's flawless in this world, but at least I want something which is close to it).
However, suddenly I remember my brother, Rico, who is sitting beside You now, Father. I come to one conclusion again: Life is never fair. It's just fairer than death.
Thank You for the 20 hours. I consider it as a huge present from You. Jya ne
~Asa~
Father in heaven, thank you for the 20 hours You gave me. Honestly, it's the happiest hours in my life time. Oh ya, you might be shocked because it's my first time came to You, confessed that I am so grateful (I know usually I kept complaining on things), so just let You know that the 20 hours are really precious for me. It's the only moment I feel that life treated me fairly.
But now, I reach a conclusion that actually life is NEVER fair. I never mean to complain today, I just want to let You know. The rest 3 hours made me realize that I could not live too long in my dream. I was drifting in my 20-hour-dream, over excited because the things went well as I planned. But 3 hours after it, I know for sure that life will never treat me fairly. I was sunken in despair although I hope the 3 hours could be as beautiful as the 20 hours, since those 3 hours are still my birthday. I felt life is totally unfair, because even in my birthday, I was thrown into a problem. Ridiculous.
Can life treat me fairly at least for 24 hours? It's my birthday. So, please... treat me fairly just once a year. PLEASE!
But I know even if I beg for million times, the truth will still unchange. It sucks. I can never have one perfect day even if it's my birthday (I know nothing's flawless in this world, but at least I want something which is close to it).
However, suddenly I remember my brother, Rico, who is sitting beside You now, Father. I come to one conclusion again: Life is never fair. It's just fairer than death.
Thank You for the 20 hours. I consider it as a huge present from You. Jya ne
~Asa~
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Sweet 17!!
Hi Blog! Today is my happiest day! Guess why, because I am officially 17 now! Although in Malaysia 17 years old is still underage, but in my own country, Indonesia, it means that I am grown up already. That's why Indonesians usually get their Nationality Card when they are 17! There are plenty things you can do when you reach the age 17 (the things you cannot do when you are not 17 yet, in my family, I cannot go for date yet because I was counted too young!)
Now, it means I can really find a boy friend! ROFLMAO XD XD!!
Well Blog, you know what happened last night? (or maybe it's counted as today, because it's 12 in the middle of the night), Felita, Caroline, Jessica, Yuriko, Cecillia and Rachel made a surprise for me! (Belle also participated in buying cake for me, because of some reasons she could not join the surprise part, but I still thank her! The cake was nice!)
It's in the middle of the night. I was replying my friends' wall post (bday wishes) and playing "it girl" game, when suddenly I received a call from uknown number. I picked up my phone and I heard someone's screaming there. Well uh, I recognised the voice actually, it's Yuriko's voice, she kept calling my name panicly, "SAAAA, ASAAAA!!" and then I heard nothing. The call was disconnected without reason. I stoned at my place, wondering what exactly had happened. I tried to call her back, because I was so curious. Are they just playing around? I was thinking also, perhaps they were going to give me surprise for my birthday. It's ridiculous, trying to scare me with that stupid voice.
Then suddenly I heard a scary sound. Someone bumped into my unit door rudely. I also heard my name was called in high tone by someone behind the door. I was a bit scared that time, no body in the house some more, it made me feel a bit anxious. My retarded brain was turning around. Were they going to shock me until like this?
I opened the door immediately, since everybody in my unit seems to be vanished mysteriously. I saw Yuriko was sweating and breathing irregularly, she pulled my hand and said, "Oh My God, something happened just now! You should go downstairs and make sure that Felita is still okay!"
Me : (totally confused, I bet my face was absolutely stupid that time), "Hah? Eh? What happen?"
Yuriko : (tried to pull me) That girl (I should not mention her name here), Felita was quarelling with that girl downstairs!! You should come and see! The fight is going to be worse now!
I just could not think anything. I wore my slippers quickly (I was wearing pajama also that time), and ran after her. Unfortunately (or that's what they wanted), the lift was stuck on 25th floor, so Yuriko asked me to use emergency stairs. Hell yah, it was quite tiring, you know! Luckily my unit is on 4th floor! Imagine, if it's on 10th or 18th floor!
I kept following Yuriko. It was tremendously dark that time. I was wondering where actually the fight took place, because she led me to the swimming pool. Not from a very far distance, I could hear the noise, it really sounded like there were some girls fighting (I heard Felita's voice also, and another voice really sounded like "that girl"'s voice, where as the other voices were likely just supporting voice LOL XD)
Congratulation! I was totally shocked that time! I thought it's the real fight in the middle of the night (my birthday pula)! What a nice one! But then, when I was getting closer to them, I could see a small-pale light (they tried to hide the light, but I still could see) on their hands. I frowned, I tried to look for "that" girl, but she's not there.
Me : (my retarded brain thinks so slow) Huh? What happen? Eh?? Lho??
Felita at al. : (Sang happy birthday song in two version. I could hear they sang the song in both English and Korean) LOL XD
Me : (blinked my eyes, surprise) OMG!
They laughed and they asked me to make three wishes.
Me : My first wish, I hope I can graduate as the best and the youngest student! Err... My second wish (I was too happy and too nervous that time), I want my family will be always happy and in good health, my friends also.
Them : Third wish... Third wish!!
Me : (without voice) Let me find a nice boyfriend LOL XD
Then I put the cake on the table, they started to hold my hand tightly. They gave me cream mask!!! Well yah, I smelled like cake that time. The cream "kena" my hair, my nose, my cheek, all!! WALAOWEEE...
They told me first time they planned to push me into the swimming pool!! YANG BENAR SAJA, I will die lar, shivering the whole night. If they did that, they surely would find my frozen-dead body this morning!! ROFL
Hey, but really, I want to thank them, although the "surprise" part was totally shocking, but I like the cake! I like their kindness!!
It was really a great night! It's the best birthday EVER!! MY SWEET 17!! Hey, really Thank u, GALS!! I LOVE YOU >.<
I was not only dreaming right? I was afraid, it's just only a dream, or my imagination, or the part of fairytale which I read years ago. But it's real right?
And I hope all my wishes will be come true =D
Now, it means I can really find a boy friend! ROFLMAO XD XD!!
Well Blog, you know what happened last night? (or maybe it's counted as today, because it's 12 in the middle of the night), Felita, Caroline, Jessica, Yuriko, Cecillia and Rachel made a surprise for me! (Belle also participated in buying cake for me, because of some reasons she could not join the surprise part, but I still thank her! The cake was nice!)
It's in the middle of the night. I was replying my friends' wall post (bday wishes) and playing "it girl" game, when suddenly I received a call from uknown number. I picked up my phone and I heard someone's screaming there. Well uh, I recognised the voice actually, it's Yuriko's voice, she kept calling my name panicly, "SAAAA, ASAAAA!!" and then I heard nothing. The call was disconnected without reason. I stoned at my place, wondering what exactly had happened. I tried to call her back, because I was so curious. Are they just playing around? I was thinking also, perhaps they were going to give me surprise for my birthday. It's ridiculous, trying to scare me with that stupid voice.
Then suddenly I heard a scary sound. Someone bumped into my unit door rudely. I also heard my name was called in high tone by someone behind the door. I was a bit scared that time, no body in the house some more, it made me feel a bit anxious. My retarded brain was turning around. Were they going to shock me until like this?
I opened the door immediately, since everybody in my unit seems to be vanished mysteriously. I saw Yuriko was sweating and breathing irregularly, she pulled my hand and said, "Oh My God, something happened just now! You should go downstairs and make sure that Felita is still okay!"
Me : (totally confused, I bet my face was absolutely stupid that time), "Hah? Eh? What happen?"
Yuriko : (tried to pull me) That girl (I should not mention her name here), Felita was quarelling with that girl downstairs!! You should come and see! The fight is going to be worse now!
I just could not think anything. I wore my slippers quickly (I was wearing pajama also that time), and ran after her. Unfortunately (or that's what they wanted), the lift was stuck on 25th floor, so Yuriko asked me to use emergency stairs. Hell yah, it was quite tiring, you know! Luckily my unit is on 4th floor! Imagine, if it's on 10th or 18th floor!
I kept following Yuriko. It was tremendously dark that time. I was wondering where actually the fight took place, because she led me to the swimming pool. Not from a very far distance, I could hear the noise, it really sounded like there were some girls fighting (I heard Felita's voice also, and another voice really sounded like "that girl"'s voice, where as the other voices were likely just supporting voice LOL XD)
Congratulation! I was totally shocked that time! I thought it's the real fight in the middle of the night (my birthday pula)! What a nice one! But then, when I was getting closer to them, I could see a small-pale light (they tried to hide the light, but I still could see) on their hands. I frowned, I tried to look for "that" girl, but she's not there.
Me : (my retarded brain thinks so slow) Huh? What happen? Eh?? Lho??
Felita at al. : (Sang happy birthday song in two version. I could hear they sang the song in both English and Korean) LOL XD
Me : (blinked my eyes, surprise) OMG!
They laughed and they asked me to make three wishes.
Me : My first wish, I hope I can graduate as the best and the youngest student! Err... My second wish (I was too happy and too nervous that time), I want my family will be always happy and in good health, my friends also.
Them : Third wish... Third wish!!
Me : (without voice) Let me find a nice boyfriend LOL XD
Then I put the cake on the table, they started to hold my hand tightly. They gave me cream mask!!! Well yah, I smelled like cake that time. The cream "kena" my hair, my nose, my cheek, all!! WALAOWEEE...
They told me first time they planned to push me into the swimming pool!! YANG BENAR SAJA, I will die lar, shivering the whole night. If they did that, they surely would find my frozen-dead body this morning!! ROFL
Hey, but really, I want to thank them, although the "surprise" part was totally shocking, but I like the cake! I like their kindness!!
It was really a great night! It's the best birthday EVER!! MY SWEET 17!! Hey, really Thank u, GALS!! I LOVE YOU >.<
I was not only dreaming right? I was afraid, it's just only a dream, or my imagination, or the part of fairytale which I read years ago. But it's real right?
And I hope all my wishes will be come true =D
Friday, October 22, 2010
Learn from mistake
Dear blog, last night my friend wrote something about me in his blog (actually I always stalk his blog, that's why I know everything he's written there). The way he wrote about me was really straight forward, I felt like he slapped me with his writings. However, I cannot deny that all things he wrote about me was so right. I acted stupidly, never realize that my thoughts and the way I expressed them would turn to kill me.
Here I slumped in my stupidity, wondering what I would feel if I am becoming the person I wrote in my blog. No one would be happy, finding herself was being talked badly by others (although they never intend to hurt the person). Well yah, now I feel I am really cruel. I am horrible. It makes me hate myself.
Actually, I never talked badly about people in my blog or in my facebook, until few days ago, maybe I was so in bad mood that time. I just wrote everything without thinking, without filtering my words and without considering the consequence. Now I just realize that I am so so so sooo totally definitely STUPID! I hope I could disappear, at least for a while until I stop feeling guilty. Is it normal for people to feel so damn guilty after making mistake? Or is it just me who is too melancholic, keep blaming myself for just a simple mistake? OR IS IT REALLY A SIMPLE MISTAKE?
It's not simple. It's serious. I offended others, although I didnt mean to. I know I have my own opinions, but I should not have written it publicly without realizing that other people could be offended by it. I should have been prosecuted because of my own stupidity. How I regret it! Listen, I know all of you have bad impression towards me. No problem, because I, myself, also feel that I am really terrible.
Hey blog, you know, sometimes I really want to be a bad person, who can hurt people easily without feeling guilty. But I just could not make it. I could not hurt others and forgot what I had done easily. Otherwise, I scolded myself how come my retarded brain could think like that! I dont want to be hated by others. I want to be loved although I know I am not lovable.
The only thing I need is someone to listen, because I never have one in my life time. It's just that simple.
~Asa~
Here I slumped in my stupidity, wondering what I would feel if I am becoming the person I wrote in my blog. No one would be happy, finding herself was being talked badly by others (although they never intend to hurt the person). Well yah, now I feel I am really cruel. I am horrible. It makes me hate myself.
Actually, I never talked badly about people in my blog or in my facebook, until few days ago, maybe I was so in bad mood that time. I just wrote everything without thinking, without filtering my words and without considering the consequence. Now I just realize that I am so so so sooo totally definitely STUPID! I hope I could disappear, at least for a while until I stop feeling guilty. Is it normal for people to feel so damn guilty after making mistake? Or is it just me who is too melancholic, keep blaming myself for just a simple mistake? OR IS IT REALLY A SIMPLE MISTAKE?
It's not simple. It's serious. I offended others, although I didnt mean to. I know I have my own opinions, but I should not have written it publicly without realizing that other people could be offended by it. I should have been prosecuted because of my own stupidity. How I regret it! Listen, I know all of you have bad impression towards me. No problem, because I, myself, also feel that I am really terrible.
Hey blog, you know, sometimes I really want to be a bad person, who can hurt people easily without feeling guilty. But I just could not make it. I could not hurt others and forgot what I had done easily. Otherwise, I scolded myself how come my retarded brain could think like that! I dont want to be hated by others. I want to be loved although I know I am not lovable.
The only thing I need is someone to listen, because I never have one in my life time. It's just that simple.
~Asa~
Thursday, October 21, 2010
My stupid tooth
Dear blog, I'm so sorry because from now on I decide to stop sharing something too private with you. What my friend said is true, everyone in this world can read you, and everyone can be offended although I didnt mean to hurt him/her. Well yah, I think it's a wise decision though. I still have my notepad and my stupid diary with me. World does not end yet. LOL XD
Hey, today is not a good day. My stupid teeth kept pulsating the whole night. It's very painful and made me feel sick. I could not sleep again last night. I thought I can bear it until I go back to my hometown, because I have made an appointment with the young dentist there (I have paid some more).
My mom told me last night, if I really cannot stand it, I should go to hospital and check what's going on with my ugly tooth. I knew it could spend a lot of money and I was not mistaken also. I spent 375 RM just for my stupid tooth cavity. My brain then started to calculate, that using those 375 RM I could buy a lot of clothes and other cute stuffs! In addition, those 375 RM is just for one service. The other services I should pay again next time when I come (I need 3 times service to cure my cavity). What a waste of money!
And I spent my precious 5 hours by sitting at waiting room, watching a stupid TV show (It was about a little boy and a huge monkey), that made me feel sooooo damn sleepy! I should have brought my book there, so I could study for exam. But it's useless, since I could not concentrate because my tooth kept hurting me. It's almost exam, but hell yah! I havent prepared myself at all.
Okay, I have revised a bit about physical chemistry (left the last chapter only). However, for organic and inorganic chemistry, I am totally blind. I dont like those two subjects. They really can murder me!
Well uh, stop talking about organic and inorganic chemistry, now I feel like having headache. For biology, I am not sure what I have been revising. I dont really like Biology, so errr... Okay, the exam is multiple choice, at least it's easier than Environmental Science (essay questions and need to write two 400-600-word essays). Perfect!
I started revising Statistic since two days ago, but well uh... I really cannot concentrate. Because of "the problem" and my idiot teeth. Tomorrow I swear I will be revising the whole day. Really!
~Asa~
Hey, today is not a good day. My stupid teeth kept pulsating the whole night. It's very painful and made me feel sick. I could not sleep again last night. I thought I can bear it until I go back to my hometown, because I have made an appointment with the young dentist there (I have paid some more).
My mom told me last night, if I really cannot stand it, I should go to hospital and check what's going on with my ugly tooth. I knew it could spend a lot of money and I was not mistaken also. I spent 375 RM just for my stupid tooth cavity. My brain then started to calculate, that using those 375 RM I could buy a lot of clothes and other cute stuffs! In addition, those 375 RM is just for one service. The other services I should pay again next time when I come (I need 3 times service to cure my cavity). What a waste of money!
And I spent my precious 5 hours by sitting at waiting room, watching a stupid TV show (It was about a little boy and a huge monkey), that made me feel sooooo damn sleepy! I should have brought my book there, so I could study for exam. But it's useless, since I could not concentrate because my tooth kept hurting me. It's almost exam, but hell yah! I havent prepared myself at all.
Okay, I have revised a bit about physical chemistry (left the last chapter only). However, for organic and inorganic chemistry, I am totally blind. I dont like those two subjects. They really can murder me!
Well uh, stop talking about organic and inorganic chemistry, now I feel like having headache. For biology, I am not sure what I have been revising. I dont really like Biology, so errr... Okay, the exam is multiple choice, at least it's easier than Environmental Science (essay questions and need to write two 400-600-word essays). Perfect!
I started revising Statistic since two days ago, but well uh... I really cannot concentrate. Because of "the problem" and my idiot teeth. Tomorrow I swear I will be revising the whole day. Really!
~Asa~
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I hate myself
Dear blog,
Cuman kamu satu-satunya yang jadi pendengar setiaku. Aku tau ini benar-benar kekanak-kanakkan, tapi aku nggak tau harus gimana. Aku nggak tau dimana aku harus menuangkan apa yang aku rasakan kalau nggak di kamu. Aku tau aku nggak bisa menuliskan hal yang kupikirkan sebebas-bebasnya, apalagi di facebook yang membodohi orang itu, aku benar-benar nggak merasa bebas.
Hi blog, padahal kukira aku bisa bicara dengan bebas di sini. Tapi ternyata nggak juga. Kalau begitu, dengan siapa aku bisa menuangkan semua yang aku rasakan? Apa emang gak ada cara supaya aku bisa menuliskan semua yang aku pikirkan?
Sebenarnya aku kira nggak bakal ada orang yang membaca blogku (aku berharap begitu), tapi ternyata ada juga yang membacanya (aku memang menuliskan link blogku di bagian kiri profileku, yang kukira bakal diabaikan dengan mudah). Dan jujur, sekarang aku kehilangan tempat dimana aku bisa menulis sebebasnya. Itu membuatku benar-benar sedih. Kalau aku sendirian, aku pasti bakal menangis keras-keras di bantalku. Aku harus berterima kasih juga pada Felita yang nggak tau apa-apa, yang sedang belajar di meja sebelah, setidaknya dia memotivasiku untuk menahan air mata.
Dear blog, apa semua yang aku lakukan salah? Aku nggak tau aku ini terlalu keras kepala (nggak mau mengakui kesalahan), atau memang mereka yang terlalu kasar. Kalau saja mereka bicara baik-baik padaku, pasti nggak akan begini jadinya. Aku kesal cara bicara mereka padaku, seakan-akan mereka pemilik resmi dunia ini sedangkan aku cuma menumpang (aku tau semua manusia cuman menumpang di dunia ini, karena Tuhan pemiliknya), tapi tolong, nggak bisakah mereka menghormatiku sedikit saja?
Aku bukan tipe orang yang tega menjelek-jelekkan orang lain di belakang, tapi aku tipe orang yang nggak sadar dengan apa yang kuucapkan dan biasanya semua orang salah paham dengan maksud perkataanku. Aku memang blak-blakkan, tapi aku berusaha untuk nggak menyakiti orang lain. Benar. Sumpah. Hanya saja mungkin usahaku belum cukup keras. Masih saja ada orang super sensitive yang tersinggung dengan apa yang kutulis.
Maaf, kalau memang begitu. Aku sedang belajar menjadi dewasa. Walau aku baru akan berumur 17 tahun, tapi aku berusaha untuk menjadi dewasa. Aku berusaha keras hingga kadang aku merasa hatiku sendiri kebas.
Tapi, aku masih saja bertanya-tanya dengan otakku yang terbatas. Kenapa orang lain boleh menyakitiku tapi aku nggak boleh menyakiti mereka? Sampai pada akhirnya, orang lain yang menyakitiku, tapi malah aku yang merasa bersalah. Selalu begitu. Itu benar-benar menyebalkan. Aku nggak pernah bisa jadi orang jahat. Sial!
Now, how I hate myself!
~Asa~
Cuman kamu satu-satunya yang jadi pendengar setiaku. Aku tau ini benar-benar kekanak-kanakkan, tapi aku nggak tau harus gimana. Aku nggak tau dimana aku harus menuangkan apa yang aku rasakan kalau nggak di kamu. Aku tau aku nggak bisa menuliskan hal yang kupikirkan sebebas-bebasnya, apalagi di facebook yang membodohi orang itu, aku benar-benar nggak merasa bebas.
Hi blog, padahal kukira aku bisa bicara dengan bebas di sini. Tapi ternyata nggak juga. Kalau begitu, dengan siapa aku bisa menuangkan semua yang aku rasakan? Apa emang gak ada cara supaya aku bisa menuliskan semua yang aku pikirkan?
Sebenarnya aku kira nggak bakal ada orang yang membaca blogku (aku berharap begitu), tapi ternyata ada juga yang membacanya (aku memang menuliskan link blogku di bagian kiri profileku, yang kukira bakal diabaikan dengan mudah). Dan jujur, sekarang aku kehilangan tempat dimana aku bisa menulis sebebasnya. Itu membuatku benar-benar sedih. Kalau aku sendirian, aku pasti bakal menangis keras-keras di bantalku. Aku harus berterima kasih juga pada Felita yang nggak tau apa-apa, yang sedang belajar di meja sebelah, setidaknya dia memotivasiku untuk menahan air mata.
Dear blog, apa semua yang aku lakukan salah? Aku nggak tau aku ini terlalu keras kepala (nggak mau mengakui kesalahan), atau memang mereka yang terlalu kasar. Kalau saja mereka bicara baik-baik padaku, pasti nggak akan begini jadinya. Aku kesal cara bicara mereka padaku, seakan-akan mereka pemilik resmi dunia ini sedangkan aku cuma menumpang (aku tau semua manusia cuman menumpang di dunia ini, karena Tuhan pemiliknya), tapi tolong, nggak bisakah mereka menghormatiku sedikit saja?
Aku bukan tipe orang yang tega menjelek-jelekkan orang lain di belakang, tapi aku tipe orang yang nggak sadar dengan apa yang kuucapkan dan biasanya semua orang salah paham dengan maksud perkataanku. Aku memang blak-blakkan, tapi aku berusaha untuk nggak menyakiti orang lain. Benar. Sumpah. Hanya saja mungkin usahaku belum cukup keras. Masih saja ada orang super sensitive yang tersinggung dengan apa yang kutulis.
Maaf, kalau memang begitu. Aku sedang belajar menjadi dewasa. Walau aku baru akan berumur 17 tahun, tapi aku berusaha untuk menjadi dewasa. Aku berusaha keras hingga kadang aku merasa hatiku sendiri kebas.
Tapi, aku masih saja bertanya-tanya dengan otakku yang terbatas. Kenapa orang lain boleh menyakitiku tapi aku nggak boleh menyakiti mereka? Sampai pada akhirnya, orang lain yang menyakitiku, tapi malah aku yang merasa bersalah. Selalu begitu. Itu benar-benar menyebalkan. Aku nggak pernah bisa jadi orang jahat. Sial!
Now, how I hate myself!
~Asa~
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Realizing truth
Hi,
3 hari ini aku habiskan dengan bersenang-senang dengan teman-temanku yang berasal dari provinsi yang sama. Medan. Aku sibuk memanjakan diriku tanpa sedikitpun memikirkan final exam yang sebentar lagi akan kami hadapi. Aku lupa sama sekali dengan ujian. Aku sibuk bermain-main dengan kesenanganku dan melupakan kenyataan kalau aku sama sekali belum punya persiapan.
Segala halnya terasa menyenangkan tiga hari ini. Hanya saja, tiga hari ini juga membuatku menyadari kalau sebenarnya aku nggak pernah bisa punya teman baik. Aku kira, aku dan Ailie (temanku dari Malaysia) bisa berteman baik, begitu juga dengan Catherine (temanku dari Penang), tapi belakangan aku menyadari kalau aku dan mereka berbeda. Lama kelamaan aku capek juga berada di dekat mereka. Saat aku sedang nggak ingin kemana-mana, mereka memaksaku keluar, saat aku ingin belajar dan nggak ingin ada yang mengganggu, mereka malah mengancam bakal menonton anime kesukaanku tanpa aku. Itu membuatku merasa muak.
Aku pikir, kami sama sekali nggak cocok. Dan aku sendiri nggak mau meneruskan permainan persahabatan pura-pura ini. Terkadang aku juga merasa kalau candaan mereka nggak lucu, malah cenderung melukai orang lain. Itu benar-benar membuatku lelah.
I quit. I am really sick of them.
Well, ternyata benar kata orang. Teman-teman dari negara yang sama itu memang lebih mudah dipahami dan memahami. Aku lebih memilih berteman dengan mereka (Felita dkk) daripada berteman dengan orang yang taunya cuman bisa mencibiriku (walau maksud mereka bercanda, tapi mereka udah kelewatan)
And now I just realized the truth, it hurts me, but well yah, it's the truth. I prefer face the truth to pretend nobody is hurt. Then, once again I say, I quit.
Sampai sekarang aku masih belum merasa aku menemukan teman yang benar-benar bisa memahami aku. Tentu saja, jangankan mereka, aku sendiri masih belum bisa sepenuhnya memahami diriku sendiri. Hanya saja, satu lagi kenyataan yang kutemukan dari diriku, aku ingin sekali memiliki seorang teman yang benar-benar bisa menerimaku apa adanya. Bukan teman yang hanya ingin mendapatkan keuntungan dariku, atau teman yang hanya menjadikanku sebagai ban serap. Aku nggak ingin itu.
Well, I just wanna admit, in 16 years my life time, I never find a best friend of mine (if Adev is considered as best friend, well then I have only 1)
Jya ne
~Asa~
3 hari ini aku habiskan dengan bersenang-senang dengan teman-temanku yang berasal dari provinsi yang sama. Medan. Aku sibuk memanjakan diriku tanpa sedikitpun memikirkan final exam yang sebentar lagi akan kami hadapi. Aku lupa sama sekali dengan ujian. Aku sibuk bermain-main dengan kesenanganku dan melupakan kenyataan kalau aku sama sekali belum punya persiapan.
Segala halnya terasa menyenangkan tiga hari ini. Hanya saja, tiga hari ini juga membuatku menyadari kalau sebenarnya aku nggak pernah bisa punya teman baik. Aku kira, aku dan Ailie (temanku dari Malaysia) bisa berteman baik, begitu juga dengan Catherine (temanku dari Penang), tapi belakangan aku menyadari kalau aku dan mereka berbeda. Lama kelamaan aku capek juga berada di dekat mereka. Saat aku sedang nggak ingin kemana-mana, mereka memaksaku keluar, saat aku ingin belajar dan nggak ingin ada yang mengganggu, mereka malah mengancam bakal menonton anime kesukaanku tanpa aku. Itu membuatku merasa muak.
Aku pikir, kami sama sekali nggak cocok. Dan aku sendiri nggak mau meneruskan permainan persahabatan pura-pura ini. Terkadang aku juga merasa kalau candaan mereka nggak lucu, malah cenderung melukai orang lain. Itu benar-benar membuatku lelah.
I quit. I am really sick of them.
Well, ternyata benar kata orang. Teman-teman dari negara yang sama itu memang lebih mudah dipahami dan memahami. Aku lebih memilih berteman dengan mereka (Felita dkk) daripada berteman dengan orang yang taunya cuman bisa mencibiriku (walau maksud mereka bercanda, tapi mereka udah kelewatan)
And now I just realized the truth, it hurts me, but well yah, it's the truth. I prefer face the truth to pretend nobody is hurt. Then, once again I say, I quit.
Sampai sekarang aku masih belum merasa aku menemukan teman yang benar-benar bisa memahami aku. Tentu saja, jangankan mereka, aku sendiri masih belum bisa sepenuhnya memahami diriku sendiri. Hanya saja, satu lagi kenyataan yang kutemukan dari diriku, aku ingin sekali memiliki seorang teman yang benar-benar bisa menerimaku apa adanya. Bukan teman yang hanya ingin mendapatkan keuntungan dariku, atau teman yang hanya menjadikanku sebagai ban serap. Aku nggak ingin itu.
Well, I just wanna admit, in 16 years my life time, I never find a best friend of mine (if Adev is considered as best friend, well then I have only 1)
Jya ne
~Asa~
Thursday, October 14, 2010
coz it's life
Ujian akhir sudah semakin mendekat, aku baru menyadari kalau aku belum punya persiapan apapun untuk menghadapinya. Yang pertama kali terlintas dalam pikiranku hanyalah pertanyaan-pertanyaan bodoh yang aku sendiri nggak mampu menjawabnya. "Gimana kalau aku gagal?" "Gimana kalau aku nggak bisa?" "Gimana kalau semester depan aku harus membayar lagi karena kegagalanku?" "Apa yang harus kukatakan pada keluargaku kalau aku gagal?" "Apa jadinya kalau tetangga-tetanggaku tau juga?" (Kebiasaan di Pematangsiantar : satu mulut tau, satu kota juga langsung mengetahui semuanya, hingga ke ujung-ujung permasalahan.
Pertanyaan-pertanyaan macam itu yang terus berputar-putar dalam kepalaku yang mulai membotak. Aku terus membayangkan diriku gagal. Selalu begitu. Nggak pernah terlintas di pikiranku kalau aku bakal pulang dengan tawa lebar, sambil memamerkan ke semua orang kalau aku melewati semester pertama dengan nilai yang sangat tinggi. Aku nggak tau kenapa. Dan setiap malam aku juga selalu dihantui mimpi buruk kalau aku bakal gagal. Padahal kata orang, kekuatan pikiran itu sangat berpengaruh terhadap apa yang bakal terjadi. Kalau aku berpikir aku gagal, maka aku benar-benar akan gagal.
Karena itu, sebisa mungkin aku berusaha untuk mengenyahkan pikira-pikiran buruk itu dari kepalaku yang tumpul. Aku nggak akan gagal. Aku harus bisa mengembalikan kepercayaan diriku. Bukannya aku sendiri yang ingin masuk ke Universtas yang penuh tantangan ini? Nggak peduli kata orang kalau Universitas ini susah lulusnya. Aku selalu yakin pada diriku sendiri kalau aku bakal menjadi lulusan termuda dan terbaik di Monash University yang sejak lama sudah kusukai (aku ingin masuk ke sini semenjak 2 tahun yang lalu).Jadi, nggak peduli apapun yang akan terjadi, aku bakal terus berusaha. Karena inilah hidup. Tujuan hidup adalah hidup dengan tujuan. Tujuanku hanyalah membahagiakan orang tuaku dengan kemampuan yang kumiliki, bukannya malah membuat mereka malu dan kecewa berat.
Satu lagi hal yang membuatku kaget ketika aku dan beberapa temanku membicarakan tentang perasaan kami masing-masing, betapa kami rindu rumah, masakan Mama, dan masa-masa SMA yang sekarang hanya tinggal jadi kenangan. Aku kaget ketika mendengar cerita temanku kalau mereka semua menangis beberapa malam pertama kali mereka datang. Aku dan Felita memang selalu merasa sedih jauh dari rumah, tapi kami nggak pernah menangis. Entah kenapa itu membuatku agak bangga. Aku merasa kalau aku ternyata lebih kuat dari teman-temanku. Itu juga membuatku termotivasi untuk lebih kuat lagi. Aku akan berusaha semampu yang aku bisa, selama aku masih hidup di jalan yang kupilih.
Karena hidup ada untuk dihargai.
~Asa~
Pertanyaan-pertanyaan macam itu yang terus berputar-putar dalam kepalaku yang mulai membotak. Aku terus membayangkan diriku gagal. Selalu begitu. Nggak pernah terlintas di pikiranku kalau aku bakal pulang dengan tawa lebar, sambil memamerkan ke semua orang kalau aku melewati semester pertama dengan nilai yang sangat tinggi. Aku nggak tau kenapa. Dan setiap malam aku juga selalu dihantui mimpi buruk kalau aku bakal gagal. Padahal kata orang, kekuatan pikiran itu sangat berpengaruh terhadap apa yang bakal terjadi. Kalau aku berpikir aku gagal, maka aku benar-benar akan gagal.
Karena itu, sebisa mungkin aku berusaha untuk mengenyahkan pikira-pikiran buruk itu dari kepalaku yang tumpul. Aku nggak akan gagal. Aku harus bisa mengembalikan kepercayaan diriku. Bukannya aku sendiri yang ingin masuk ke Universtas yang penuh tantangan ini? Nggak peduli kata orang kalau Universitas ini susah lulusnya. Aku selalu yakin pada diriku sendiri kalau aku bakal menjadi lulusan termuda dan terbaik di Monash University yang sejak lama sudah kusukai (aku ingin masuk ke sini semenjak 2 tahun yang lalu).Jadi, nggak peduli apapun yang akan terjadi, aku bakal terus berusaha. Karena inilah hidup. Tujuan hidup adalah hidup dengan tujuan. Tujuanku hanyalah membahagiakan orang tuaku dengan kemampuan yang kumiliki, bukannya malah membuat mereka malu dan kecewa berat.
Satu lagi hal yang membuatku kaget ketika aku dan beberapa temanku membicarakan tentang perasaan kami masing-masing, betapa kami rindu rumah, masakan Mama, dan masa-masa SMA yang sekarang hanya tinggal jadi kenangan. Aku kaget ketika mendengar cerita temanku kalau mereka semua menangis beberapa malam pertama kali mereka datang. Aku dan Felita memang selalu merasa sedih jauh dari rumah, tapi kami nggak pernah menangis. Entah kenapa itu membuatku agak bangga. Aku merasa kalau aku ternyata lebih kuat dari teman-temanku. Itu juga membuatku termotivasi untuk lebih kuat lagi. Aku akan berusaha semampu yang aku bisa, selama aku masih hidup di jalan yang kupilih.
Karena hidup ada untuk dihargai.
~Asa~
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Short letter to my dearest brother
Dear Rico Anderson,
Hi, I never talked to you before. Therefore, let this be the first time I talk to you. Never mind, you dont need to answer anything, because I am the one who will keep talking. I know you are willing to listen to every word I say, because Mommy said you are an obedient son and wise brother.
I hope you are doing well there. Okay, at least, the weather there is not as hot as here. I believe you are sitting with our Father in heaven right now, listen to all what I am whispering from my heart.
Hey Rico, I never know how you look like and I dont have your photo either. But I bet you are very handsome. If you are still there, I believe there will be many girls sending you love letters. Most probably, I will show you off in front of all my friends. I have a very cool and smart brother! Wow!
Haha. Maybe, you are a bit surprised why suddenly I talk to you, which I never did before. So sudden I remember what Mommy told me about you. She looked very sad that time. She sighed and started holding back her tears. She never wanted to lose you, brother, neither did my father.
Hey brother, you know, I miss you. I wish I could see you at least once in my life time, but it's impossible, right? since you were gone long time ago. I never prejudice anything about you. I know you were gone not because you did not want to see me born. But really, I want to see your face at least once. Now how I feel jealous with my two brothers and sister! At least they could see your cute face when you were still a baby!
I miss you, brother. I miss you. Can you come to my dream tonight? At least to show me how you look like.
I do miss you. And every one is missing you here. Sure.
Sincerely,
your sweet sister =D
~Asa~
Hi, I never talked to you before. Therefore, let this be the first time I talk to you. Never mind, you dont need to answer anything, because I am the one who will keep talking. I know you are willing to listen to every word I say, because Mommy said you are an obedient son and wise brother.
I hope you are doing well there. Okay, at least, the weather there is not as hot as here. I believe you are sitting with our Father in heaven right now, listen to all what I am whispering from my heart.
Hey Rico, I never know how you look like and I dont have your photo either. But I bet you are very handsome. If you are still there, I believe there will be many girls sending you love letters. Most probably, I will show you off in front of all my friends. I have a very cool and smart brother! Wow!
Haha. Maybe, you are a bit surprised why suddenly I talk to you, which I never did before. So sudden I remember what Mommy told me about you. She looked very sad that time. She sighed and started holding back her tears. She never wanted to lose you, brother, neither did my father.
Hey brother, you know, I miss you. I wish I could see you at least once in my life time, but it's impossible, right? since you were gone long time ago. I never prejudice anything about you. I know you were gone not because you did not want to see me born. But really, I want to see your face at least once. Now how I feel jealous with my two brothers and sister! At least they could see your cute face when you were still a baby!
I miss you, brother. I miss you. Can you come to my dream tonight? At least to show me how you look like.
I do miss you. And every one is missing you here. Sure.
Sincerely,
your sweet sister =D
~Asa~
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Precious Moments
Last night, I spent my night chatting with Felita right before we slept. I dunno why I became so emo suddenly (or maybe I always be emo all the time?), but it's the first time I felt I almost burst into tears, I was not sure either I was too happy or too sad that time. We talked about a lot of things. Most probably, for other people, it's not important at all. However for us, the moments were so special, that I swear I will never forget them in my entire life.
This post maybe kinda boring (or all my posts are wasting time?), but I found the moments are too precious to be forgotten. It's all about us.
We're very naughty when we're in high school. I really could not understand how our teachers could stand us. When all the memories turned around inside my head like flashback, I felt like I really could cover my face with pillow and cry as loud as I can. I really miss the moments.
Gio yang paling bandel dulunya. Dia benar-benar kayak provokator yang siap mengerjai siapapun yang pertama kali dilihatnya. Honestly, he had a very huge influence in our class. Without him, we're nothing.
Karena Gio, kami bisa melakukan sesuatu yang benar-benar menyenangkan. Dia yang membantu mengorganisir kegiatan kelas, merancang ulangtahun pak Yo, wali kelas kami, kemudian dia juga yang menciptakan permainan pesawat kertas.
Aku ingat sewaktu kami dengan amat sangat nakalnya melempar pesawat kertas selama pelajaran PKN, Gio orang pertama yang dihukum waktu itu, tapi yang herannya dia nggak pernah kapok untuk melakukan kesalahan yang sama.
Kemudian aku dan Felita membicarakan semua keusilan-keusilan Wenna, Cia Hao dan WH yang selalu mengerjai BC, memaksanya bernyanyi (yang kemudian direkam), padahal mereka tau kalau suara cowok itu benar-benar seperti kaleng pecah yang (maaf ya!) nggak bisa diperbaiki atau bahkan didaur ulang.
Aku ingat semua yang terjadi selama pelajaran Kimia. Bagaimana teman-temanku dihukum gara-gara mereka tidak bisa mengerjakan soal-soal yang diberikan (ada yang dihukum berpasangan, sampai ada yang dihukum menari-nari sambil memakai topeng monyet), untungnya aku nggak pernah sesial itu.
Actually, if you are beside me, you can see that I'm holding back my smile...
and my tears. I know the memories are irreversible. However, I do miss them for sure. Really. And in my small stupid brain, I still hope that I can go back to my high school time and experience all the moments over again.
taking picture during mandarin class. What good students! LOL XD
Me and my stupid best friend (he used to sit beside me!)
The narssist team!! =D
Gio n me ^^
Mahonie and me XD
Celebarting Mahonie's bday in Susi's house during team project
Stupid friends, but they're cute LOL XD
I really wish I could fly back through the time T.T
I miss u all, my friends...!!
This post maybe kinda boring (or all my posts are wasting time?), but I found the moments are too precious to be forgotten. It's all about us.
We're very naughty when we're in high school. I really could not understand how our teachers could stand us. When all the memories turned around inside my head like flashback, I felt like I really could cover my face with pillow and cry as loud as I can. I really miss the moments.
Gio yang paling bandel dulunya. Dia benar-benar kayak provokator yang siap mengerjai siapapun yang pertama kali dilihatnya. Honestly, he had a very huge influence in our class. Without him, we're nothing.
Karena Gio, kami bisa melakukan sesuatu yang benar-benar menyenangkan. Dia yang membantu mengorganisir kegiatan kelas, merancang ulangtahun pak Yo, wali kelas kami, kemudian dia juga yang menciptakan permainan pesawat kertas.
Aku ingat sewaktu kami dengan amat sangat nakalnya melempar pesawat kertas selama pelajaran PKN, Gio orang pertama yang dihukum waktu itu, tapi yang herannya dia nggak pernah kapok untuk melakukan kesalahan yang sama.
Kemudian aku dan Felita membicarakan semua keusilan-keusilan Wenna, Cia Hao dan WH yang selalu mengerjai BC, memaksanya bernyanyi (yang kemudian direkam), padahal mereka tau kalau suara cowok itu benar-benar seperti kaleng pecah yang (maaf ya!) nggak bisa diperbaiki atau bahkan didaur ulang.
Aku ingat semua yang terjadi selama pelajaran Kimia. Bagaimana teman-temanku dihukum gara-gara mereka tidak bisa mengerjakan soal-soal yang diberikan (ada yang dihukum berpasangan, sampai ada yang dihukum menari-nari sambil memakai topeng monyet), untungnya aku nggak pernah sesial itu.
Actually, if you are beside me, you can see that I'm holding back my smile...
and my tears. I know the memories are irreversible. However, I do miss them for sure. Really. And in my small stupid brain, I still hope that I can go back to my high school time and experience all the moments over again.
I really wish I could fly back through the time T.T
I miss u all, my friends...!!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
10/10/10, Hari yang sia-sia
Seharusnya hari ini bakal jadi hari yang beruntung bagi setiap makhluk di bumi ini, karena hari ini hanya datang seribu tahun sekali. Tanggal sepuluh, bulan sepuluh, tahun dua ribu sepuluh. Dan sungguh aku berharap bakal ada sesuatu yang spesial terjadi hari ini, seenggaknya supaya ada bedanya dengan hari-hari lain. Tapi yang benar saja, imajinasku saja yang terlalu tinggi. Hari ini sama seperti hari kemarin dan kemarinnya lagi. Aku duduk di depan laptopku, mengerjakan kuis online, kemudian mencoba untuk berkosentrasi belajar tapi tau-tau layar laptopku yang menampilkan wall facebook-ku sendiri punya kekuatan yang lebih besar daripada buku pelajaranku.
Aku turut senang kalau ada sepasang pengantin yang berbahagia di tanggal yang begitu spesial ini. Aku sendiri berharap kalau aku bisa menemukan orang yang selama ini di dalam pikiranku di tanggal yang spesial ini. Tapi lagi-lagi aku tertawa kecut dan berakhir dengan kesimpulan kalau aku benar-benar terlalu beriming-iming.
Hari ini benar-benar nggak ada spesialnya sama sekali. Mungkin diam-diam aku memang berharap kalau aku bisa menemukannya. Cowok itu. Cowok yang beberapa kali kulihat dalam bus. Tapi masa bodoh, mungkin dia memang bukan jodohku, karena sudah nyaris dua bulan aku nggak bertemu dengannya.
Kemudian, aku mulai merasa kalau hari ini benar-benar sia-sia. Aku bangun pukul sepuluh, mengerjakan kuis biologi onlineku (yang nilainya jelek sekali), kemudian disusul dengan revising singkat tentang plant diversity, yang kuharap aku juga bisa memahami tentang Molecular Orbital (MO), tapi sia-sia saja, karena aku tetap tidak mengerti, atau aku terlalu malas untuk mengerti. Jadi aku menutup bukuku rapat-rapat dengan kepala penat, kemudian menjatuhkan tubuhku ke tempat tidurku yang keras. Aku tidur lebih dari sejam, padahal aku hanya bermaksud untuk menyegarkan pikiran dan kembali belajar. Tapi sia-sia saja, aku malah tertidur cukup lama dan memimpikan sesuatu yang benar-benar aneh. Aku nggak mau membahas mimpiku di sini karena itu benar-benar konyol.
Mungkin satu-satunya hal yang cukup spesial hari ini hanyalah karena ini pertama kalinya aku jogging semenjak berada ke Malaysia (salah satu strategiku untuk mengurangi berat badan).
Not bad, menurutku. Aku suka jogging, walaupun cukup melelahkan. Masalahnya, aku nggak menjamin kalau teman-temanku bakal menemaniku lagi untuk kedua kalinya. Kukira mereka cukup kapok karena sekarang mereka mengeluh paha mereka pegal dan sakit semua.
Oke, mungkin ini gila. Tapi aku berencana untuk mencemplungkan diriku ke dalam kolam di belakang condominiumku sebentar lagi. Jangan tanya kenapa, karena jawabannya sudah jelas.
Ini cara untuk mengurangi berat badan.
Aku turut senang kalau ada sepasang pengantin yang berbahagia di tanggal yang begitu spesial ini. Aku sendiri berharap kalau aku bisa menemukan orang yang selama ini di dalam pikiranku di tanggal yang spesial ini. Tapi lagi-lagi aku tertawa kecut dan berakhir dengan kesimpulan kalau aku benar-benar terlalu beriming-iming.
Hari ini benar-benar nggak ada spesialnya sama sekali. Mungkin diam-diam aku memang berharap kalau aku bisa menemukannya. Cowok itu. Cowok yang beberapa kali kulihat dalam bus. Tapi masa bodoh, mungkin dia memang bukan jodohku, karena sudah nyaris dua bulan aku nggak bertemu dengannya.
Kemudian, aku mulai merasa kalau hari ini benar-benar sia-sia. Aku bangun pukul sepuluh, mengerjakan kuis biologi onlineku (yang nilainya jelek sekali), kemudian disusul dengan revising singkat tentang plant diversity, yang kuharap aku juga bisa memahami tentang Molecular Orbital (MO), tapi sia-sia saja, karena aku tetap tidak mengerti, atau aku terlalu malas untuk mengerti. Jadi aku menutup bukuku rapat-rapat dengan kepala penat, kemudian menjatuhkan tubuhku ke tempat tidurku yang keras. Aku tidur lebih dari sejam, padahal aku hanya bermaksud untuk menyegarkan pikiran dan kembali belajar. Tapi sia-sia saja, aku malah tertidur cukup lama dan memimpikan sesuatu yang benar-benar aneh. Aku nggak mau membahas mimpiku di sini karena itu benar-benar konyol.
Mungkin satu-satunya hal yang cukup spesial hari ini hanyalah karena ini pertama kalinya aku jogging semenjak berada ke Malaysia (salah satu strategiku untuk mengurangi berat badan).
Not bad, menurutku. Aku suka jogging, walaupun cukup melelahkan. Masalahnya, aku nggak menjamin kalau teman-temanku bakal menemaniku lagi untuk kedua kalinya. Kukira mereka cukup kapok karena sekarang mereka mengeluh paha mereka pegal dan sakit semua.
Oke, mungkin ini gila. Tapi aku berencana untuk mencemplungkan diriku ke dalam kolam di belakang condominiumku sebentar lagi. Jangan tanya kenapa, karena jawabannya sudah jelas.
Ini cara untuk mengurangi berat badan.
It's the first post
I am still wondering whether I should write all the posts in English or Indonesian. However, since I'm really good at Indonesian, and not really expert in English, I decide I should write this blog in Indonesian.
Okay, ini bukan pertama kalinya aku punya blog. Blogku yang lama, yang bahkan udah kulupakan user name dan passwordnya itu benar-benar pernah ada, setidaknya aku menulis sebulan sekali di sana. Tapi kali ini aku bertekad, aku nggak bakal membiarkan blog ini menjadi "stupid-boring-dead" blog yang pada akhirnya kulupakan juga.
Menulis itu benar-benar kegilaanku. Aku menyimpulkan demikian karena sesibuk apapun aku, aku selalu menyempatkan diri buat sekedar menulis di diaryku, atau di facebook notesku. Tapi kemudian aku berpikir, alangkah baiknya kalau aku punya blog---yang kali ini harus benar-benar kupelihara dengan baik.
Since I labelled myself as "Miss Forgetful" (aku lupa mengunci pintu kamarku hampir setiap kali aku keluar dari kamar, dan lupa membawa kunci lima kali lebih hingga aku harus menunggu di luar berjam-jam), aku benar-benar harus menuliskan setiap detik kehidupanku, setiap kenangan-kenangan berhargaku, supaya hingga aku sudah berumur nanti, aku masih nggak melupakan semua hal yang pernah kulewati. Meski semuanya bukan hal yang menyenangkan.
Because I know, all memories are too precious to be forgotten!
~Asa~
Okay, ini bukan pertama kalinya aku punya blog. Blogku yang lama, yang bahkan udah kulupakan user name dan passwordnya itu benar-benar pernah ada, setidaknya aku menulis sebulan sekali di sana. Tapi kali ini aku bertekad, aku nggak bakal membiarkan blog ini menjadi "stupid-boring-dead" blog yang pada akhirnya kulupakan juga.
Menulis itu benar-benar kegilaanku. Aku menyimpulkan demikian karena sesibuk apapun aku, aku selalu menyempatkan diri buat sekedar menulis di diaryku, atau di facebook notesku. Tapi kemudian aku berpikir, alangkah baiknya kalau aku punya blog---yang kali ini harus benar-benar kupelihara dengan baik.
Since I labelled myself as "Miss Forgetful" (aku lupa mengunci pintu kamarku hampir setiap kali aku keluar dari kamar, dan lupa membawa kunci lima kali lebih hingga aku harus menunggu di luar berjam-jam), aku benar-benar harus menuliskan setiap detik kehidupanku, setiap kenangan-kenangan berhargaku, supaya hingga aku sudah berumur nanti, aku masih nggak melupakan semua hal yang pernah kulewati. Meski semuanya bukan hal yang menyenangkan.
Because I know, all memories are too precious to be forgotten!
~Asa~
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