She thought it was just a nightmare when she watched him walk away. Part of herself wished that it wasn't real whereas the rest was dying. She didn't know when and how to let go, but probably letting go wouldn't help anyway.
She was fearful of the things that occurred in her head. She lost herself sometimes, drowning in worries and her own darkest side. She's scared of her own thoughts that might kill her in silence. Sometimes, they were screaming at her till she felt like going deaf. Why on earth would she care so much for the one who hurt her the most? Why would she be so naive?
When she was young, she lived in a fairytale. It was somewhere far for you to find. She never knew that other world exists because she was too busy living in her own world.
Then they met.
He dragged her into his world, contaminating her with existence of euphoria, desire, jealousy and illogical little thing called love. She flew from her comfortable little zone. She was struggling when she tried to taste his world. She finally gave up everything to be with him. That's when he became her biggest fear.
It was when she learned about pain of losing her everything when he walked away.
It was when she forgot that she wasn't supposed to care too much and stray too far from her home.
It was when she learned that even regretting has always been too late.
She lost her way back. She wandered around but no one to help. She was scared of getting hurt again. She was even frightened to dream.
Because her dreams were sometimes too bright that she might go blind.
Because her dreams might turn to nightmares.
And lastly, because she was a coward.
She tried to gather back every broken piece of hers and crawl her way back. The road was never easy. She had to walk extra miles, put on a fake smile and hide away her fears. Eventually she had grown a little bit more. She had never been the one she used to be.
Until another he found her.
Maybe this time, he was the right one to wash away her tears and draw a smile on her cheeks.
Maybe this time, he was the answer of her prayers.
Maybe.
And just bear in mind, she has never been the same girl she used to be.
She is the girl who overcomes fears.
ASA
