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I hate those smiley emoticons. I said sorry when I really meant it. But it's never being appreciated.
Those words, like sword, hurt me like nothing else can do.

And the wound wouldn't be healed that fast.

Sometimes I feel tired, to be with someone who always makes me cry.

I wonder when I'll be totally sick.

I'm not blaming anyone. It's just me who is extremely odd.

~Asa~

The stage

Dear readers, I'm back :)

As I'm reminiscing the past I've been through, it triggers me to blog at this hour. Somehow, I miss the stage. I've joined many singing competitions since I was young. I love singing, as hobby, however unlike my sister, I told myself that I wouldn't take it seriously. So, I was joining the competition just for fun. But surprisingly, I began to love it more and more.

Once, I was so proud of myself. I won the first place when I was in junior high school. People began to know me and praise me. In senior high school, I won again as the first winner, singing national songs amongst many students from different schools. I was quite happy with my talent that time. So it motivated me to practice more often. I joined another competition few months after it in Medan. I won the second place. I was satisfied with it. And it did give me courage to keep practicing, I wanted to be the best.

It was just a dream though. One of my dreams. I have too many dreams until I think that I'm kinda greedy, no? The last competition I joined was band competition. Our band won the third place and I became the best vocalist. And then I stopped. I never step on the stage anymore, except during my relative's wedding party or birthday party.

I was just thinking. If only I had continued to sing, most probably I wouldn't have been standing here, where I am now. So, where would I be?

Okay, you might have been wondering why I posted something like this so sudden. I'm wondering too. I just miss the competition. Sometimes, I've been thinking that I am not as good as I used to, I don't even have any courage to join any competition anymore, since many good singers today are ready to make me worry about my own ability. But if I do have chance, of course I want to. I've been missing the competitions, the nervous feeling and those heartbeats...

I'm not bragging anything. I'm writing what I want to, so don't think that I'm showing off in front of you guys now. But that's true. I used to be a very good singer until I stopped. I'm not anymore.

I miss the stage, really :(

~Asa~

Random post before going to bed

No one knows where the future will bring us,
except God
But sometimes I'm just too scared of my own thoughts,
I'm scared of the thoughts that you're going to leave me
Without words.
Because people said,
love comes and goes with no reason.

Feel free to call me a coward,
If I wake up in the next morning,
and you're not longer mine,
it will be the day that I fear of the most,
and it will be the day that I have nothing left
but severe heartbreak.

Okay. It's nothing. Ignore me.
Going to sleep now. Bye.

When more becomes too much

Now I understand what actually happened
I am nothing but just a hypocrite who always lost control of myself
I couldn't even take over my own mind, desire and heart
When the rationality was gone, I know something went wrong.
I should have known how to refuse
I should learn, yes, I have to.

Well, I know you would not understand what I'm talking about right now
Just ignore me
This is merely a random stupid post as the stupid thought came so sudden.

So yes, I am such a hypocrite
I don't want to remain one in the future
Forgive me, Lord.

~Asa~