Words of appreciation :)

This post is dedicated to someone out there, who used to be so important in my life. He's the one who used to support me no matter what condition I was in. He's the one who used to love me with all his heart and look at me as if I was the most precious person in his life. I remember he always gave me his best smile and it was the time I knew that even if the world was going to end, I would care of nothing else but him.

Dear you,
I was once very happy. You're the one who gave me happiness. The way you smiled, the way you looked at me and the way you talked to me made me realize that maybe no one else would ever love me as deep as you did.
I was once so happy, literally. Up until now, I feel so grateful that you have even been into my life, you taught me how beautiful to love and how lucky to be loved. It was really a valuable lesson to learn :)
I wanna thank you for everything you gave me in the past. And I hope in the future, we'll always be good friends who comfort each other.
You walk on your own path now, I know it for sure. You have your own dream and I have mine as well. Even though the distance seems to be so far away, you'll always be my precious memory, which is too beautiful to be forgotten. Well, to be honest, sometimes I can't help but smile when I am thinking of the past we've been through. The way you cheered me up when I was upset, you're just too cute. I really mean it :)
And again, I am so thankful that I had you in my life.
Wherever you are now, I only wish for your success and your happiness. I will find my happiness too. No worries.

Thank you for loving me the way I was. I can't thank you more than this. Really.

May all your dreams come true. God Bless you, always :)

~Asa~

Dream :)

So again, the hope is there,
I can see it clearly,
Lying exactly behind the pain and sacrifice,
Here comes the time I have to go on,
and stop caring of anything else but my dream

There was a time I threw my dream away,
Living only in present,
Trying hard to forget about future plan,
And staying fearfully in my own shell,
Just like a coward.

It was just before I realized the beauty of my dream,
It was just before I knew that I am destined to dream,
It was just when I only saw the pain,
It was just when I only noted failure,
But I realize,
I would only fail if I did not try.

I am gonna make my dream come true,
'cause it is so beautiful that I can't let go,
I will reach it no matter what,
'cause I no longer remember how to give up,
I'll keep trying,
Until the very end of my life,
Until the last drop of my blood.

~Asa~

Kalau segala sesuatunya mudah...

Bukan hidup namanya kalau segala sesuatu didapatkan dengan mudah dan cuma-cuma. Bukan hidup namanya kalau nggak ada air mata, peluh pengorbanan dan hati yang berdarah. Bukan hidup namanya kalau nggak ada kesusahan, kekesalan dan penyesalan. Bukan hidup namanya kalau selalu senang. Dan bukan hidup namanya kalau kamu nggak hidup di dalamnya.

Sometimes people only can learn in a HARD way, so that they can understand that life is actually not as beautiful as it seems. And here I am. Terkadang aku memang harus mendapat pelajaran seberat ini supaya aku bisa keluar dari dunia inosenku dan mulai mengenal betapa kerasnya dunia luar, karena dunia yang kutempati selama ini begitu nyaman, aku jadi lupa bagaimana kejamnya dunia di luar sana.

Saat aku menginjakkan kakiku ke dunia di luar sana, aku masih saja menganggap dunia itu adalah duniaku yang biasanya. Aku lupa kalau dunia di luar sana itu begitu kotor, kejam dan nggak kenal belas kasihan. Aku benar-benar lupa akan itu. Jadi dengan naifnya aku menginjakkan kakiku, mulai berjalan dengan meraba-raba sampai akhirnya aku menginjak ranjau dan terjerumus ke lubang yang paling dalam.

Awalnya aku nggak tau bagaimana caranya bangkit. Aku tersesat karena sekitarku gelap gurita. Aku menggigil, menangis dan beteriak minta tolong dalam kesendirianku. Kemudian aku mendengar suara dari atas. Suara itu memberitauku satu-satunya jalan keluar dari lubang itu hanyalah dengan cara menangkap dan menjerumuskan orang lain ke lubang yang sama dengan lubang yang memperangkapku sekarang ini. Lalu memakai mereka sebagai pijakanku untuk kemudian mendaki ke atas.

Biar kutegaskan, suara siapapun yang kudengar itu, it was absolutely not a good idea.  Memakai orang lain untuk memanjat naik? Menjebak orang lain dan menjerumuskan mereka ke lubang yang sama? Hanya supaya kamu bisa mendaki naik dari lubang kebodohanmu sendiri? Itu mencelakai orang lain. Dan MANUSIA mana yang tega melakukan hal seperti itu? Tolong beritau aku, siapa yang mampu mencelakai orang lain hanya untuk kepentingan pribadi?

If those kinds of people do exist in this world, maaf, berarti aku dan orang itu jelas beda total dalam prinsip hidup. Ini bukan soal mana yang benar dan mana yang salah. Tapi ini soal nilai kemanusiaan. Mungkin kalian benar, hidup itu kotor, you should stab others' back first instead of being stabbed by others. Mungkin aku memang terlalu polos, atau lebih tepatnya IDIOT, tapi sungguh aku nggak akan bisa melakukan hal seperti itu. Aku nggak bisa menusuk orang lain dari belakang apalagi orang-orang yang aku kenal dan yang dekat denganku. Aku NGGAK akan sanggup. Tindakan non-manusiawi seperti itu cuman bakal terjadi kalau aku tanpa sadar kepalaku terbentur benda tumpul dan aku mendadak kehilangan akal. I won't behave like animal, trust me. Karena menurutku, mencelakai orang lain demi keuntungan pribadi adalah dosa yang benar-benar besar. Aku nggak akan sanggup menanggung dosa itu sendirian.

So I decided to quit. Who says a quitter always be a loser? In this case, I am not a loser. Aku lebih memilih tetap tinggal di dalam lubang dan menangis sendirian daripada harus menjerumuskan orang lain ke dalamnya supaya aku bisa memanjat naik. Aku lebih memilih cara yang lebih baik, untuk berusaha keras memanjat naik dan berhenti mempermainkan orang lain. Aku punya cara yang lebih baik, jelas. Karena belakangan aku sadar, aku nggak sendirian.

Because God is always with me. No matter how hard the situation is. 

Aku belajar banyak dari masalah ini. It's like a blessing in disguise. Mungkin benar gara-gara ini aku depresi berat dan hatiku terluka parah, tapi karena masalah ini juga aku jadi lebih dekat lagi sama Tuhan. And I learned a valuable lesson about this life.

PS:
I believe, the choice is mine. Not anyone else. Not yours. Not hers. Not his. It's mine. Yes it's mine.

~Asa~

World is such a dirty place :(

To kill or to be killed. Life is cruel.
To cheat or to be cheated. World is such a dirty place.
To laugh or to be laughed. Life is ridiculous.
To tease or to be teased. World knows no mercy.

The killer and the victim, none of them is winner.
But both of them are losers. Indeed.
I don't know what to do, literally.
To be a killer, doesn't make me gain victory.
But to be a victim, I guess it'll be very painful, won't it?

So the only thing I can do.
is either being hated by everyone and trying to get what I deserve,
or hurting myself but not dragging anyone else into the mess.

What do you called it?
A loser on one side, but you can be a hero on the other side.
Or to be a deceiver on one side and
remain a swindler on the other side.
Which one to choose?

I just can't get it why other people can easily be a cheater
without thinking of anyone else
I just don't understand
The only thing I know is...

I've made a truly stupid decision
This is the stupidest idea I've ever thought of.
Regretting is idiot,
Crying is immature,
And grumbling will change nothing.

Therefore let this be an experience for me.
A valuable experience.
I won't hate them as I hate to be hated,
They choose to kill, instead of being killed,
It's a normal way to survive.

I hope I could be more mature and not too innocent in the future.

Life is ruthless. World has no mercy, but I believe...
God has plan.

~Asa~