Bukan siapa-siapa...

Memenangkan juara pertama song writing competition Melody in You 3 yang diadakan FGCC tahun ini benar-benar kayak mimpi buatku. Atau mungkin mirip halusinasi siang bolong. Malah, bermimpi untuk menang pun aku nggak pernah. Sungguh.

Maksudku, siapa sih aku ini? Aku cuman cewek biasa, yang punya wajah biasa-biasa, kemampuan musik biasa-biasa dan bakat menulis yang biasa pula. Cuman postur tubuhku yang nggak biasa (karena pendek tentunya). Tapi, it's really amazing, Tuhan memakaiku dengan luar biasa. Sampai sekarang aku masih mengira kalau aku lagi berkelana dalam ilusiku sendiri yang siap-siap terbangun sebentar lagi dan kembali pada kenyataan kalau aku cuman cewek yang benar-benar biasa.

Oke, jadi intinya aku bukan siapa-siapa. Aku juga nggak pernah kepikiran untuk mengikuti kompetisi seperti ini kalau bukan karena ce Rani yang mengajak. Aku suka menulis, itu emang benar. Tapi kalau untuk menciptakan lagu dalam waktu yang sangat singkat (kira-kira 2 minggu) rasanya aku nggak akan sanggup, ditambah lagi dengan tugas-tugas kuliah yang udah mirip tumpukan baju kotor yang belum dicuci selama berhari-hari.

Tapi karena lagu itu untuk Tuhan, aku menciptakannya dengan sukacita, based on my personal experience as well, which is too private to write it down here. Dimulai dari kunci-kunci yang sederhana juga (yang setelah diperiksa ko Ivan dan ko Sam ternyata 80%nya salah, hore hore).

Intinya, terimakasih banyak buat ce Rani yang udah menyadarkan aku kalau cewek biasa seperti aku juga bisa dipakai secara luar biasa. Makasih karena udah membantuku kembali pada my true passion. Karena aku tau hal yang paling kucintai selama ini cuman menulis, menulis dan menulis. Anything else comes last. Aku nggak jadi mengkhianati talentaku sendiri dan aku nggak jadi mengubur bakat yang selama ini aku punyai. Jadi, aku benar-benar bersyukur untuk segalanya. Buat dukungan dari teman-teman, yang udah bersedia mendengarkan, I don't know what to say. I am just too grateful to have them in my life. Kalau nggak ada kalian, lagu ini nggak akan pernah ada. Sungguh.

Terimakasih yang paling besar tentunya untuk Tuhan. He's just too good. He's more than amazing. I can't thank Him more than this. Aku bahkan nggak yakin apakah aku pantas menerima semua kebaikanNya, karena aku begitu nggak sempurna dan punya banyak kekurangan. Aku bukan siapa-siapa. Benar-benar bukan siapa-siapa.

Dan aku tau, Tuhan merancang kehidupanku sedemikian rupa, tanpa celah. My life's created flawlessly. And in every plan of His, there is hope for every living. Nggak ada rancangan kecelakaan, yang ada rancangan sejahtera. Oh ya, since my birthday is coming soon, so I consider this as my birthday present. It's sweet :)

Aku mendapat banyak pelajaran dari Melody in You 3 ini. I feel blessed. Apalagi saat Kak Tama mengundangku ke music fellowship, padahal jelas-jelas aku bukan anggota musik. Mungkin ini ditujukan untukku supaya aku belajar lebih banyak lagi. See, He's really AMAZING!

About my passion, yeah writing. I have been in love with writing since years ago. Aku masih menunggu kabar soal novelku dari penerbit (yang udah kukirimkan sejak 4 bulan yang lalu), rasa-rasanya aku bakal ditolak lagi. Don't worry. I won't easily give up. Karena aku menulis bukan untuk jadi terkenal. Tapi aku menulis karena aku mau tulisanku dibaca orang-orang dan mereka terberkati karenanya. Okay, at least, they get something from my writings. Itu keinginanku yang sesungguhnya.

Well it will be absolutely a super long post if I insist on continuing the story. It's time for assignment. Jya ne.

~Asa~

The Writer of My Life

There was a time, I was once lost,
Couldn't find the light, when the hope's gone,
But I realized the beauty of Your grace,
You amazed me through the painting of Your love.

Now it's the time, I surrender,
Let tongue confess, let knees bow down,
Oh here I come Jesus, hold my hands,
You're amazing You're the savior of my life.

CHORUS:
Jesus let Yours be done,
My life's created flawlessly,
And I trust in Your plan I live,
There's hope behind the pain.

Jesus let Yours be done,
Heal me with blood of sacrifice,
Lord I'm saved... 'cause You're...
The writer of my life.

BRIDGE:
For the thousand times I fall,
You will never let me down,
For the beauty of Your grace,
I can't thank You more than this...


Well, the song above is my first worship song. I have composed some songs before this though. But not worship songs. Well so, overall, this is my fifth song.

So yea, I chose the title 'The Writer of My Life' and composed the lyric based on my personal experience, which might be too long to write it here. Not a perfect lyric, but trust me, those words came out purely from my heart :)

With suggestions from my FCL, ce Rani, I continued to compose the whole lyric. For the melodies, we did it together (Sorry Carol, if we're too noisy >.<). I tried to find the chords using guitar but since my ability is quite... errr... how to say, I think I really have to learn more. I am just an amateur. So we were asking help from others. A friend of ce Rani's (Ivan) was willing to be a guitarist during our performance last night and another one (Ko Sam) was really helpful in finding the variations for intro and interlude (he's a genius!). Btw, I played the intro and interlude parts using violin. Not good enough though. I was quite nervous that time and I almost lost my rhythm. I trembled. I couldn't even hold my bow properly. It ended up producing weird sounds (but I feel relived since no one realized it, maybe few only). And honestly, my vibrato was really bad. I want to learn more! I love violin so much! :(

Win or lose, I won't care. I've tried my best. I composed the song for God. All for God. No other motivation. If we win, I'll be so grateful. If we don't, I'll be still thankful for this beautiful experience.

How I hope this song could bless others!

~Asa~

Biggest enemy

I am scared of what people would think about me. I do care of what people said to me. I do worry about how they treated me. And I do realize that I am such a pathetic whose life is full with inconvenience. I worry about everything. I care about something that I am not supposed to care of. I keep thinking about useless things. No wonder my brain seems to be full of trashes.

So, that's true. My biggest enemy is my own thought. What people said is unfortunately right, when you have no idea how to control your mind, it may turn to be a huge foe for you. It may destroy you until pieces and at the very end, you will have nothing left. Nothing at all.

I am always scared of people's opinion about me--that they don't love me, that they never like me, that they will hate me forever. I don't want to be hated. But at the other side, I am not living to build reputation. I don't need reputation. Reputation is just a picture. Just try to burn and bury it, it will disappear with no trace. I don't need it. Really. I just don't want to be hated. That's it. I just want to be loved, because being hated without any reason is just way too painful.

But come on, life is too short to be spent this way. However, no matter how many times I try to convince myself, my brain is just too busy doing its own job. Its command is not my will. I keep thinking of the things that I don't want to think about. Ridiculous. I can't even take over my own mind. And I understand, if I remain in this situation, I will be murdered.

By my own thought.

I am trying hard to control my mind. Somehow, I wish I could be like those who never care of  others, who can hurt others without being afraid to be hated and who can laugh at other people's pain with no mercy. I wish I could be more ignorant. But I just can't.

I'm just an ordinary girl, who is imperfect, fragile, weak, fool and childish. But I am sure no one can be flawless. Is it wrong to have a flaw?

Yea, my mind is my biggest weakness after all.

~Asa~