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I was trembling. It's not cold, but I kept shivering. I could feel my heartbeats, throbbing twice as stronger and louder as usual.

My hands could not stop shaking. I could not even see anything clearly and could not even walk properly. I stared at my palms for few minutes, as if my hands would stop shaking if I did it, but it's useless. I tried harder and harder, not to let myself drift in my own sorrow. I had to fight the fear and find the answer.

I was trembling for more than half an hour, then I realize, should I have been such a coward, for keeping this pain alone without knowing the answer, without understanding even a single thing? Was I satisfied by just keeping my mouth shut closely, pretending that nothing ever happened and living in such a disguise?

I had to know the answer. I had to gather my courage and fight for my right and my feeling. Therefore, I could free myself from the pain. The pain which has been torturing me for these two weeks. Knowing the truth might be truly hurtful, but it's way better than supporting the hypocrisy. I felt sick to fake a smile.

Finally I stopped trembling. Thanks God. Yet, I have not succeeded, but at least I felt relieved. The burden was eventually gone. Not all, but I know slowly everything can be settled well.

However, at last, I am alone again. I know, I just have someone whom I can depend on.

God.

Only Him. No one else can touch my heart like He does.

But here, inside my heart, I really wish that I could find the ones who can be my true friends.

Well, if they do really exist.

~Asa~