Give too much

Hi, my three-month holiday will end very soon. I will go back to Sunway on 20 February 2011.

Time passed too fast. I have many things I should do, yet I don't think I have enough time to do them this holiday. *sigh

Hey, don't you guys think that my English skill is too lame? It's kinda suck. I should enrich my vocabularies. Although I had improved my English since years ago, I do feel it's still not enough. I keep using the same words and making some grammar errors. I am trying hard to improve it. But do you think you have mood to learn and study more while you are enjoying your holiday? I guess no.

By the way, my brother told me about something "important" few days ago. We were talking about friendship and love. It started when he asked me about guys. He always wants to know every guy who is close to me and asks me many questions about those guys. See, I know he worried about me, but still, do you think I would tell him? Don't be silly. No one wants to be so honest.

And he started to advise me about the friendship I have with a guy. He said, I must be careful because the possibility that the friendship would turn into a romance relationship is unspeakably huge. Many people experience it though, when best friends upgraded, and turned into lovers. I don't believe it really. I had a best friend, a guy, and now I still have him as my best friend. Okay, I dare to say, he'll always be my best friend. Forever.

Recently I found a good guy whom I could share my thoughts freely with, without feeling anxious and uncomfortable. We met in campus, which I forgot how and when. And soon, I don't know how exactly we're becoming best friends. He's always there when I need someone to listen. And how I hope I could be also the one who always listens to him while he's in trouble. Actually, he is really similar to a guy that I used to have as best friend in high school, that's why I never doubt that we will get along well and become best friends forever. Well, most probably the word "forever" is too naive and dreamy. But I like that word. The word is usually appeared in fairytale, but since I have an opinion that my life itself is my own fairytale, so why not?

But then my brother said that when friendship turned into romance, sometimes it would be very hard. You could tell your best friend everything, but sometimes when you're becoming lovers, there would be some things that you should keep for yourself alone. You could not talk as freely as you used to. And it's kinda torturing.

And I don't know why, I replied him, "But if you let me choose, I would like to have my best friend as my partner of life rather than the one I love, because the one you love the most is usually the one who hurts you the most."

Then he answered, "That's why for me love is like a war. You should not give too much, or you'll regret it someday."

"You mean, like the quotes I've ever read before? "Don't let someone become your everything, because when he/she's gone, you'll have nothing at all"?"

"Yes, exactly. When I love someone, I will never pour 100 percent of my love, all to her. Because I know when someday she leaves me, I will have nothing and regret everything. You can just pour your love, add the percentage slowly as you're getting married. Trust me because it works."

"Really? But loving someone is beyond the boundaries of our consciousness. How can you control your feeling like that? Well, your explanation is unreasonable."


"Hey, that's why I said, love is a war. You have to control your feeling. If you can't then it means, you will lose."


Now as I think about it, what he told me was unfortunately reasonable. I know, I should not love someone too deep, because when I know the fact that he would never be mine, I will be the one who gets hurt the most. And if it does happen, I will have nothing left.

~Asa~