Monday, May 30, 2011

30 May 2011

It's almost the end of the month. Tomorrow is the last day of May. I've been starring at my Chemistry lecture notes and textbook, and doing some past papers for more than five days and yet, I haven't mastered all the topics. I feel so useless. Organic part is my weakness.

Actually I could concentrate better these few days, before the time I saw him again. He's kind of disruption in my mind. I'm not saying that I like him, I am just... well, he gives me good impressions for almost all the time. It can be said also, he always knows the way to impress me. But as I think about it, I am not the kind of girl that can attract guys. I am not beautiful, not a lady-like type. I am not smart either, I am never being too fashionable. I am not charming. I can mesmerize no one. Yea so... You get what I mean right? I'm sure, he's not even looking at me.

Okay, give me chance to emphasize what I mean. I don't like him. I am not in love. And... to be honest. I don't want to fall for someone who doesn't like me first. Well. It may sound selfish. Yea, I am selfish. But I don't want to have one-sided love again. It's too painful and too stupid. Once is enough. It was not merely a broken heart. It was... more than that. That's why I said I am not in love and I don't want to be in love, since the feeling is really torturing. So yea... I am trying so hard to get him out of my mind, even if he refuses to leave. 

Great, now stop discussing about him.

Talking about other thing, I feel that my relationship with God is getting stronger. I try involving him in every single thing I do. I know He's always with me, brightening my way with His grace, sacrificing His life to save me, I feel so blessed. I love Him more and more. I can find such a peace from no one else except Him. Like the song, "There is none like You. No one else can touch my heart like You do..." =)

I want to be closer and much closer again to Him. I love God. He's the best thing in my life. I feel so blessed that I know Him as the savior of mine.

And I believe His plan is better than my own plan. I surrender everything.

~Asa~

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