Feel so down

I feel so down recently. Exam comes nearer, but I just can't devote the whole part of my brain to focus on my lecture notes. I keep thinking of useless things, and they are quite successful to distract my mind from my responsibility to study. I am totally in a mess these few days.

Well. It might be self-esteem problem. Honestly, I've never been this way before. For no reason, I feel that I am so imperfect. I know no one is perfect in this world. But still, I feel both my appearance and my personality are beyond what-so-called-perfect. I am not beautiful. I am not a lady-like. I am so childish all the time. I am too immature and too naive. I am not smart. And I am not smart. And I am not smart. Okay, I am not smart. Yeah, why am I not smart?

How I hope I could be smarter. And more hardworking of course, since I know it's really my major problem. I am not sure whether to procrastinate is my main expertise, or it's true that reports, assignments and other activities are the ones which always delay me from study (okay, now I try to find excuses). As I realize, I don't have enough time to study 3 subjects only in 2 weeks. It makes my confidence level drop tremendously. I am scared of failure. Again. The feeling is so strong that I can't even get away from it.

Another thing is... a guy. I am so clueless why I keep thinking of him. Seriously. I am not in love okay? I am not. But I just don't have any idea why he keeps appearing in my brain. He is really occupying my mind for the whole day until I feel like throwing my brain away and changing it with a new one. I hope he can get out of my mind very soon because if he's still there, I will really be insane. So please, I beg you. Get out of my mind. I should not have met you yesterday =(

I need help, literally. God, save me.

I will try to focus on the first subject of my exam. Hence, I will study hard for the other two. I arrange my study time accordingly to the exam time table. If I do not follow the arrangement, the thing that I fear the most will happen. 

Even a second is very precious for me now.

God, bless me.

~Asa~