Self-control

I promise myself not to get angry easily. But for God's sake, I was already too patient these few months. This time I can no longer control my anger. I've been holding back the anger for too long, till I can't stand it anymore and I was losing my temper. I did look really mad that time. I wonder what my friends thought about me. Would they feel guilty? Or the other way around, would they think that I am the one who always gets mad easily?

If you were me, you would do the same thing. Maybe, you would refuse to meet and talk to them next time. But I tried to control myself, not going too far, not hurting their feelings. And really, it's really torturing, tried to keep other people's heart while your own heart's broken into pieces.

Well, it's a long story behind the "anger explosion". It will be too long if I write the whole story here. The point is, they never looked guilty when seeing my angry face. I want them to say sorry at least. They always keep me waiting. No matter whether it was on sunny-hot-burning day or on rainy-windy-stormy day. They are too selfish. They never think of my feeling or think of what circumstances I was in. Never. Even once. And the time I kept them waiting, I could see their unhappy expression clearly on their face. But hey, how many times you ask me to wait for you? Many times. And how long? For quite long. 15 minutes. Sometimes can be 30 minutes or more. And sometimes you can just cancel our plan as you like. It's unfair. I hate it everytime you did it. Seriously. I am not joking now. I am really REALLY ANGRY. And how many times you wait for me? Once? Twice? You kept "PING"-ing me using Blackberry Messanger. Did I ever do that to you? For pressing "PING" for 10 times? Never. I pressed it once or twice. And done. I waited for you in silence.

I know you're going to read this post.

Because everytime I posted about these friends, they would know and read. I did not share it to facebook, or twitter. But they just knew, dunno how. I know they rarely read my blog, but when it comes to the post about them, they will read it. I don't understand why. Was it only coincidence?

So, if you're reading this, no offense, I just want you to know how I feel towards you. How UNCOMFORTABLE I was and how uneasy I felt every time we're together. (It's not referring to only one person, but the whole group. And if you feel I talk bad about you, really sorry, I never mean to do that, I just can't stand it anymore I AM TOO ANGRY!)

It was just too enough. I really wanna quit.

~Asa~