What should I do?

Ada yang ingin aku tanyakan. Bagaimana rasanya kalau kamu ingin sekali memercayai seseorang, tapi orang itu terus membohongi kamu, talk badly about you behind your back, menusukmu dari belakang bahkan tanpa kamu sadari, bersikap ramah di depanmu padahal sebenarnya dia benci setengah mati padamu? Bagaimana rasanya kalau kamu merasa kamu sudah berhasil mendekati seseorang yang sejak dulu ingin kamu kenali lebih dekat, tapi ternyata dugaan kamu salah. Kenyataannya, dia nggak pernah menyukai kamu. She/He just pretends to. Dan sakitnya, dia selalu mengeluh tentangmu pada teman-temannya yang lain siang dan malam. Menyenangkan nggak ya rasa seperti itu?

Kalau ada yang bilang rasanya menyenangkan, mungkin orang itu mengidap penyakit aneh yang merasa bahagia tiap kali dilukai. Ada lho, orang seperti itu. Entah apa nama penyakitnya, untuk sekarang ini aku nggak bisa memikirkannya. Berpikir jernih pun agak susah.

Mungkin benar apa kata teman-temanku kalau aku ini orang yang super sensitive. Masalah apapun, pasti selalu kepikiran. Contohnya tadi di lab kimia aku susah sekali konsentrasi. Aku sering terbengong-bengong sementara partner labku sudah sibuk mengerjakan eksperimen. Di saat-saat seperti itu aku merasa kalau aku... benar-benar bodoh.

Jadi, menurut kalian aku harus gimana? Aku memaafkannya? Membiarkannya terus dan terus melukaiku? Berhenti mengungkit dan memutar kembali semua perbuatannya yang membuatku sakit setengah mati? Melupakan semuanya begitu saja dan tertawa bersamanya seakan nggak pernah ada yang terjadi? Seakan aku nggak tau apa yang dia katakan di belakangku? Seakan aku nggak pernah tau kalau sebenarnya dia hanya pura-pura menyukaiku, merindukanku dan memperdulikanku? Begitu?

Aku merasa benar-benar bodoh. Tapi itu yang kulakukan. Aku takut memberitaunya perasaanku. Aku takut menegurnya langsung atau setidaknya membicarakan semuanya baik-baik. Yang bisa kulakukan hanyalah pura-pura nggak pernah mendengar kata-kata sarkastik itu. Pura-pura nggak pernah merasa dilukai. Aku membohonginya, dan aku menyangkal diriku sendiri. Jadi intinya...

Bukannya aku sama saja dengannya?

~Asa~

I've Found It.

Finally I've found the dream that I am willing to die for instead of being a writer. Maybe I knew it for long time ago, before I entered Monash, but I just did not really appreciate it. I want to be a Food Scientist. I damn like FST 1800 lecture. I feel so enthusiastic every time I attend the lecture. No doubt. I like this subject. After watching the videos, I was being motivated to learn more about food. I realize that being Food Scientist is totally my dream now, since I know I can't be a writer.

I will work hard I swear. I will be more diligent this semester. I will prove to my parents that they are not stupid for being so proud of me.

I know where my future is. In 5 years, I won't be here anymore. I won't be in Indonesia. Five years later, I will spend my life in Japan, work there and bring my parents there (if they don't want to stay there, I just bring them for vacation. Japan is the most awesome country I have ever been).

I promise. I will prove my dream no matter how hard it will be.

~Asa~

Beautiful Poem

I feared being alone until I learned to like myself.

I feared failure until I realized that I only fail when I don't try.

I feared success until I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself. 

I feared people's opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.

I feared rejection until I learned to have faith in myself.

I feared pain until I learned that it's necessary for my growth.

I feared the truth until I saw the ugliness in lies.

I feared life until I experienced its beauty.

I feared death until I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning.

I feared my destiny, until I realized that I had power to change my life.

i feared hate until I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance.

I feared love until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.

I feared ridicule until I learned how to laugh at myself.

I feared growing old until I realized that I gained wisdom everyday.

I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better.

I feared the past until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.

I feared the dark until I saw the beauty of the starlight.

I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength.

I feared change until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a metamorphosis before it could fly.

~Bobbete Bryan~

Dream High

Hi, recently I was so addicted to this Korean Drama. Last night I finished all the episodes (although there was no English subtitle for the last episodes, I still watched it since I was so curious about the ending. Surprisingly, I understood what they're saying!)

By the way, I want to post the review about this drama. Don't read this if you don't want me to be a spoiler. LOL XD

 

The drama is about six youths who really have a big dream to be superstars. They managed to enter Kirin Art School and worked hard to achieve their dreams. I think this drama is really the best Korean drama I've ever watched, since usually Korean Drama was only about Romance (The rich guy's falling in love with poor girl and so on), very common. But this drama tells us something else instead of loving someone. It tells us that the word "impossible" does never exist in achieving dream. We just need to work hard and prove to the world that we can defeat our own weakness. 

 This is the main girl character, Goo Hye Mi. She is a pretty girl who learn vocal for almost 10 years already. She's very talented. She can sing and dance at the same time. But unfortunately, she's a cold-hearted girl who always prejudice the world. She has to change her attitude if she really wants to be a star. 

 She is Yoon Baek Hee. She used to be a best friend and follower of Hye Mi's. But she changed to a totally different person when she entered Kirin Art School. She's blinded by her passion, she tried everything to prove that she's not a "third-class" student who doesn't have talent at all, she never cared that actually she could hurt everybody around her. She soon became Hye Mi's rival. 

His name is Jin Guk, is a gifted dancer, but a troubled student at school. The director of Kirin High School of Art recommended Jin-Gook to enroll at his school. There, Jin-Gook's talents blossom and he now dreams of becoming a global star. He's falling in love with Hye Mi and automatically becomes the rival of Sam Dong's.

Another character is Kim Pil Sook. An adorable girl with super cute smile. First, she used to be very fat and did not have enough confident to be a star although she's very talented. But she's motivated by Jason to lose her weight and she's becoming the REAL STAR. Just look at the pictures! WOW!

Nah, this is Jason. An exchange student who comes to Kirin High after receiving the top score for new applicants. He comes from abroad and shows outstanding skills as a dancer. He's falling in love with Pil Sook even when she's over weighed and not popular. However, he never realized his feeling. By the way, I really like this couple. They're seriously cute when they're together! =D

And the last... SONG SAM DONG!

Song Sam Dong's transformation can be seen from the three pictures above. It's amazing seeing that small town guy like him has a wonderful talent. He never learn music before. He lived with his Mom before Hye Mi came and asked him to study in Kirin Art School. He's a pure-hearted guy who always think positively. He's hardworking. And swear, he is my favorite character in this drama! Just see how handsome he is! How cute he is! OMG, I am really mad of him. His smile can make me crazy!

The best thing of him: HE IS THE REAL GENTLEMAN. He loves Hye Mi from the very beginning, until the end. He said he will always love the girl even though she hates him. 

He has a hidden talent. He can possibly a great composer. The fist time he saw a piano, he could play the chords well, without knowing any basic of chords. His dancing was not really good, but he managed to improve it. No wonder he became A BIG STAR. 

There were two parts that I cried a lot while watching this drama. It's when Sam Dong saw the girl he likes kissing with other guy. Just imagine the one you love kissed with other guy/girl in front of you. It hurts too much. Another part was, when he felt he is really closed to his dream, I remembered he said this sentence, "My dream is really really beautiful. And I can see it clearly in front of me", but something hurtful happened. He lost his hearing. His ears were buzzing almost everytime. Hey, can you imagine that? When you feel so close to your dream, when you can almost achieve it, and suddenly you lose everything. The dream is not longer yours. It seems to be so far away, beyond your reach. How do feel, huh? I swear, it would feel so painful. That's why I cried a lot when seeing him losing his dream. His beautiful dream.

But he never gave up. He tried to create a perfect pitch although he lost his hearing. He tried really hard, once he felt so depressed but he got up, tried to live in his dream. Because he said, "My dream is really really beautiful. And I won't let it go."

He ended up becoming the only Korean star who could participate in Grammy Award in US. I think it's clear that God gave him a wonderful talent. HE PROVES IT! HE IS AWESOME! I love him! OMG, I LOVE HIM! >.<

PS :

Only if this kind of guy really exists in real life...

~Asa~

Farewell

My Korean friends just left this country. They were going back to Korea several hours ago. Yea, it's true. If there was a meeting, there would exactly be a farewell. I just never know that the "lost" feeling would be this dominant. We just spent few months together, we couldn't even communicate really well, since their English was not really good at the first time they came. Well, they came to Sunway for internship. The studied English here. I don't really understand Korean either, although I knew some vocabularies which usually appeared in the dramas.

But we had fun. We did have fun. We're hanging out together, having dinner, singing and dancing like idiots on my birthday and swimming until late at night for 2 and half hours. They even came to Indonesia, although I couldn't join them, since my holiday started at different date from theirs. I was sad that I could not spend my holiday with them. But I had no choice that time.

We gave them presents. It's a hand-made t-shirts. Oh, no. Not the t-shirt. But the writings on the t-shirts LOL XD. I was always happy doing such things, like drawing, writing, quoting, coloring and wrapping (this one, not really actually) and I think giving these presents was a brilliant idea. I am not good at drawing. Never really. But as long as I did it with heart, then every drawing would be very beautiful =D (I hope everybody thinks the same way).

We finished doing our "projects" at 1 am in the morning. The Sun-U Residence gate was closed and I could only go out from its trellis. Nah, now I feel I am not really "fat", because I could go through the small space of trellis smoothly. LOL XD

Well okay, I began to stray slightly far from the topic. The thing I wanna talk about is the feeling. I felt sad indeed, when I saw them putting their stuffs into the van. Until the time we hugged each other, one of my friend suddenly cried. Rachel (BoKyung Eonni was also crying that time). It made me feel... I don't want to lose them. I want them to stay. I want to hang out with them. I want to have fun with them. I want to help them do their assignments until late at night. I want to spend time together.

I cried on my way back to Lagoon View although I tried to hold back the tears. I just couldn't bear. I don't know when we can meet again. And it made me feel really sad.

To Rachel, Helen and Lily...

I am happy to know you. You are the craziest Koreans I've ever met. Well, no offense. But honestly, I am grateful I could meet you here. All the best for your career.

By the way, I believe we can meet again at the happier moment =)

Annyong,

~Asa~