La Vie En Rose

I decided to bring this topic up for some reasons that might be too long to be elaborated. So, let me just keep it short. La vie en rose, a French phrase that could be translated to "life through pink tinted glasses", depicts a state of bliss where everything appears cheerful, to the person who wears the glasses, obviously. And in this case, I want it to be me because I have wasted almost my entire life whining about the things I couldn't change. So this time, allow me to sprinkle a pinch of positivism to neutralise all the negative ingredients on a giant plate called life.

It's beautiful to remind each other that when we change the way we look at things, that's how the things we look at change.

It's easy to be happy when everything in life goes well. Anyway, life itself is a constant journey of discovery. Although it's hard to accept, the journey isn't always pretty. It includes suffering, failure, doubts and most of the time, fear. It's full of a big fat mess of heartbreaks and betrayals, hence making us believe that happiness is abstract. Oh yes, it is indeed abstract.

Nonetheless, it's just miraculous to find that it's not entirely abstract since happiness depends on the way we look at things.

Let's take an example of how I spent more than two years regretting my decision of coming back to this town. I hated every part of it: the culture, where the youngsters have to be completely submissive; the traffic where hundreds of cars are stuck in the middle of intersection; and even the people, who define rudeness as some kind of achievement. How I wished I had been clever enough to make judgement for myself. How I wished I had never stepped on this forest full of "wild animals". How I wished I had been wiser.

Apart from those regrets, there's this one remorse of mine coming up later: I wished I had been seeing things differently.

For almost two years, I let myself immerse in my own scepticism. I was so frightened that I would change myself into one of those people I hated, so I drew back and stopped giving myself a shot. But slowly, as I met new great people in Toastmasters, I realised that I had been seeing things in a misguided way.

So I tried to put on those rose-tinted glasses and change the way I see things. Inevitably, a vague shape of happiness forms on that plate, leaving me in an awe. Happiness is no longer abstract for me, it is just a matter of perspective.

I no longer suffer and deny that I should have been in a better place, instead I accepted the reality that I had to move on, live and love my life to the fullest despite the pain, which eventually makes me feel much, much alive.

Just like me, I hope you find joy amidst your broken days. I hope that your heart collects itself whenever it gets broken and learns to love again. I hope you can see life through rose-tinted glasses.

La Vie En Rose.

-ASA-

Fears

She thought it was just a nightmare when she watched him walk away. Part of herself wished that it wasn't real whereas the rest was dying. She didn't know when and how to let go, but probably letting go wouldn't help anyway.

She was fearful of the things that occurred in her head. She lost herself sometimes, drowning in worries and her own darkest side. She's scared of her own thoughts that might kill her in silence. Sometimes, they were screaming at her till she felt like going deaf. Why on earth would she care so much for the one who hurt her the most? Why would she be so naive?

When she was young, she lived in a fairytale. It was somewhere far for you to find. She never knew that other world exists because she was too busy living in her own world.

Then they met.

He dragged her into his world, contaminating her with existence of euphoria, desire, jealousy and illogical little thing called love. She flew from her comfortable little zone. She was struggling when she tried to taste his world. She finally gave up everything to be with him. That's when he became her biggest fear.

It was when she learned about pain of losing her everything when he walked away.

It was when she forgot that she wasn't supposed to care too much and stray too far from her home.

It was when she learned that even regretting has always been too late.

She lost her way back. She wandered around but no one to help. She was scared of getting hurt again. She was even frightened to dream.

Because her dreams were sometimes too bright that she might go blind.

Because her dreams might turn to nightmares.

And lastly, because she was a coward.

She tried to gather back every broken piece of hers and crawl her way back. The road was never easy. She had to walk extra miles, put on a fake smile and hide away her fears. Eventually she had grown a little bit more. She had never been the one she used to be.

Until another he found her.

Maybe this time, he was the right one to wash away her tears and draw a smile on her cheeks.

Maybe this time, he was the answer of her prayers.

Maybe.

And just bear in mind, she has never been the same girl she used to be.

She is the girl who overcomes fears.


ASA

Beautiful Things I Adore

I love the smell of freshly brewed coffee, the feeling of driving on the empty road during daylight, spacious bedroom with huge windows attached and walking around the garden full of flowers. Yes, sun-flowers, roses, tulips, baby breaths and basically every flower. I like the feeling of taking hot shower and throwing my body on the bed after an exhausting day.

I am obsessed with poems, love songs, classical music and paintings. They are like aspirin to my soul. I love beaches and sunsets. They seem to be destined together to create a breathtaking view. I love resting my body on the top of the hills, facing the miniatures of the whole city. It feels like I own the whole world. I fancy the shower of warm sunlight on my hair during autumn. I adore mountains and their scent. Best place for stargazing.

Nonetheless, apart from all of those, my favourite is you. Yes, you. I am always captivated by your eyes. Those eyes which are full of affection and tenderness. They are so peaceful like a night sky. I do admit I get lost in there sometimes. There were times when they looked at me, they might turn shaky and strayed with thousands of silent worries and I promised myself that I would chase away those fears in your eyes.

And there you smile. I am infatuated. Those dimples on both your cheeks make me forget to breath. Those smiling eyes are my treasures too. I never get bored of them. Thus I promised myself I would draw that smile on your face because I simply love it.

I love your thick and messy hair. When it grows longer, it tickles my face often. I get very comfortable with those big warm hands of yours intertwined in mine. I like your accent when you are talking. I laugh on your jokes, even the lamest ones because I am simply entertained. I love how you care of me so much. I feel your sincerity as I am loved and treated like a princess. I adore everything about you.

At least, one thing that I know for sure. You, staying by my side, is just perfect for me. You are the most beautiful thing I have. Everything else comes later.

ASA

A Selfless Love

Like a star on the dark horizon,
Like a rising sun after the gloomy winter,
Like rainbows after the pouring rain,
You taught me about tomorrow's hope.

For every tantrum I threw,
For every complaints I made,
For every misbehave I did,
Begging for love in a selfish way,
Yet you never walk away.

When life turned like a broken-winged bird,
You taught me how to dream,
But what am I,
I am just your little girl,
Seeking for places I've never expected,
Searching for things I've never seen,
No matter how far I wander,
Your love never fails me,
Because I know that you are home.

If being proud is all I can give at last,
I will make sure it will never be too late,
But it is something I can't repay,
Because that kind of love is called selfless.

PS : We are often busy growing up. Please remember, our parents are growing old too.

ASA

Kesempatan

"Hai teman, katamu, hidup itu adalah pertarungan. Menangkanlah.

Hai teman, kalau hidup adalah pertarungan, siapa yang akan bertarung bersamaku? Apakah kita sekutu? Ataukah kau musuhku? Mungkin yang paling buruk, apakah aku sendirian?

Hai teman, kalau hidup adalah pertarungan, bagaimana cara memenangkannya? Dimana senjataku?

Hai teman,  kalau hidup memang pertarungan, tolonglah aku karena masih banyak pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang tidak bisa kujawab sendirian.

...Tapi teman, apakah aku bisa memercayaimu?"

Konyol rasanya, seorang cewek yang beranjak dewasa malah masih sibuk mencari jati dirinya. Well, bukankah seharusnya masa-masa itu sudah lama berlalu? Di satu sisi aku merasa bingung, karena nggak ada seorang pun yang pernah memperingatiku kalau "kehilangan" jati diri nggak hanya datang sekali seumur hidup.

Awalnya aku kira, kehilangan tujuan hidup bukanlah hal yang biasa. Aku pikir aku kalah. Bermacam-macam pertanyaan menggema di kepalaku hampir setiap malam. Tapi kemudian aku sadar kalau aku bukanlah satu-satunya orang yang masih mengais-ngais untuk menemukan impian yang nyata. Masih banyak orang di luar sana yang bahkan nggak berani bermimpi karena takut terjatuh dan akhirnya terluka parah. Atau yang lebih buruknya, sebagian dari mereka terlarut dalam zona nyaman dan nggak menyadari kalau sebenarnya mereka tersesat.

Aku bersyukur aku kehilangan arah untuk melangkah, karena akhirnya aku diberi kesempatan untuk mencari dan menemukan diriku sendiri. Aku nggak bisa bilang aku sudah memenangkan pertarungan, but I am certain that I am on my way there. Mungkin aku masih terlalu muda untuk mengajari tentang hidup, tapi biarkan aku membagikan jawaban dari pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang sempat nggak terlihat jalan keluarnya.

1. Pentingnya spiritualisme

   Kalau aku nggak memutuskan untuk merantau sendirian ke ibukota, mungkin aku nggak akan mengerti seberapa pentingnya nilai spiritualisme dalam hidupku. Saat teman-teman lain punya kehidupan yang terlihat menyenangkan, aku harus struggle memikirkan menu makan malamku, kapan aku punya waktu untuk membersihkan toiletku atau merapikan lemari bajuku dan juga meringis setiap kali merogoh kantong untuk mengisi bensin, membayar biaya parkir dan masuk tol. Baru sekarang aku mengerti pribahasa, lebih besar pasak daripada tiang.

   Di saat teman-teman lain sedang berkumpul dengan anggota keluarga mereka, jangan tanya apakah aku iri karena itu jelas pertanyaan retoris. Bagi kalian yang tinggal sendirian, aku yakin kalian merasa kesepian walaupun punya banyak teman yang selalu siap diajak nongkrong bersama. Nggak ada salahnya kita "kabur" melalui jalan spiritualisme, "nongkrong" bareng Sang Pencipta. Selain merasa tenang, aku yakin kita nggak lagi merasa kesepian. Saat itu jugalah, kita sadar bahwa sejak lama kita sudah mempunyai sekutu dalam pertarungan kita.

2. Pikiran adalah senjata

   Menjadi seseorang yang positif dalam keadaan yang penuh tekanan bukanlah hal yang sangat mungkin dilakukan. Kalau untukku, malah nyaris mustahil, apalagi mengingat aku dibesarkan di keluarga yang serba negatif. Percayalah, untuk memenangkan pertarungan, pikiran positif adalah senjata yang paling ampuh. Whether the battle is tough or not, it depends on the way you look at it. It's the matter of perception.

  Aku kenal baik dengan seseorang yang punya pikiran sangat positif. Aku selalu bilang, "Hari jumat masih lama. Aku udah capek kerja."
  Dengan santai, dia membalas, "Sabar ya, kan udah hari selasa. Sebentar lagi weekend."
  Aku terpana mendengar jawaban itu. Di dalam pikiranku, aku selalu mengeluh, "masih hari selasa," tapi seseorang yang positif seharusnya berpikir, "udah hari selasa."

  Saat itu aku merasa malu pada diriku sendiri. Hidup itu sulit, tapi kenapa aku masih mempersulit hidupku sendiri dengan menolak berpikiran positif? Thanks to him, karena sekarang aku menemukan senjata untuk memenangkan pertarunganku.


3. Berhenti membanding-bandingkan

   Setiap orang memiliki masa sulit yang berbeda-beda. Lagipula, apa yang kelihatan di luar belum tentu seindah yang di dalam. Ditambah lagi, pengaruh dari social media yang menimbulkan kecemburuan massal, wajar aja hidup kita nggak tenang dan dipenuhi keinginan untuk mengikuti perkembangan jaman.

  Apapun yang terjadi, bersyukur dalam segala hal, mulai dari yang terkecil adalah kunci dari setiap masalah. Daripada membanding-bandingkan diri sendiri dengan orang lain dan harus hidup dalam keinginan untuk melebihi yang lainnya, kenapa nggak mencoba untuk menjadi versi yang lebih baik dari diri kita yang lama?

  Hai teman, hidup sebenarnya adalah pertarungan dengan diri kita sendiri.

4. Memfilter setiap perkataan

   Dalam pertarungan kita, kadang kita nggak mengerti siapa yang harus kita percaya. Ada bermacam-macam jenis manusia di dunia ini. Dunia yang dulunya terlihat sempit, sekarang entah kenapa berubah jadi luas dan asing. Menyenangkan rasanya kalau bisa punya banyak teman yang mendorong kita untuk bisa lebih baik. Tapi, gimana rasanya kalau ternyata kita malah terdorong ke bawah dan lupa caranya bangkit?

  Ada komentar-komentar orang lain yang nggak pantas didengarkan. Kalau kita saja bisa iri melihat kehidupan orang lain, aku yakin banyak orang yang iri melihat kehidupan kita. But guys, you can't please everyone. Aura negatif bisa masuk darimana saja, walaupun aura itu telah dikemas rapi dalam guyonan-guyonan penuh arti. Jadilah seseorang yang cerdas, yang teguh pendiriannya dan nggak terpengaruh dengan serangan-serangan tersebut. Mungkin juga, ada kalanya kita membalas serangan tersebut, bak di pertarungan yang sesungguhnya. Tapi sekali lagi, hidup adalah pertarungan dengan diri kita sendiri, bukan orang lain.

 Untuk kalian yang sedang tersesat, jangan takut. Aku pun sama. Aku yakin, kita bisa belajar untuk menemukan diri kita sendiri dan memenangkan pertarungan kita.

Karena hidup bukan semata-mata pertarungan. Hidup adalah tempat untuk kita "tersesat" dan menemukan jati diri kita.

 NB: I constantly tell myself not to fight back those attacks. I know I have to be more patient and positive, because that's actually the way to win. I might have failed but I will try. Please keep reminding me. 

ASA