Probably I'm just being over sensitive these days. I know I'm just a fragile little girl who is trying hard to be mature and responsible. Not to brag anything, but you know, I try extremely hard to be such an understanding person. I really try to please everyone. All the time.
Time after time I realize, is it what I really want to do? To please everyone and just throw away my ego somewhere else while realizing that it's been so painful all the time? Smiling even if it's bleeding inside? Trying to hold back while the tears are about to flood? I'm just not being me. What a shame.
Every word feels like sword. Every tone sounds like thunder. And every gesture makes me wonder, where did I go wrong?
Overwhelmed. And I just can't stand.
People change. That's true. Now, it's not like it used to be. And I'm getting tired of trying to please someone who never appreciate my good will. It's like, I tried to hold your hands, but you pushed me aside, walked away without ever looking back. Was it hurt?
If you're not mentally sick, it would be "yes".
However, as I think about it, maybe I'm just wasting my time here, thinking of someone who doesn't even care or want to know about how I feel. Just like talking to a mute. So all I can do is being myself even though I can't please everyone.
I tried hard to pray for this person, but I just couldn't do it. Praying for someone who has hurt you is not easy after all.
I'm sorry for that, God.
~Asa~
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