Hi all, it's March again in 2014. The time passed really quick, I feel suffocated somehow. My honours year is going to end soon, but I am still dying settling my stupid experiment. I failed frequently in my lab work, had not-so-good mark for my assignment and faced ups and downs psychologically. I am still hoping that I can graduate with that grade I have been expecting though, at the other side, I am frighten of having too high expectation. People are looking at me as someone who is very cheerful, flexible, confident and determined. How I hope it is true.
Anyway, this is not the main thing I would like to share. The only thought that I have right now is about someone who used to be so important to me. I understand people that often realised how important a person could be after she/he lost him/her. No, I am not talking about myself this time. I am talking about someone. As I told you before, I feel really happy and contented right now. I have somehow found my happiness. I have found someone else who cares of me so much, who can love me the way I am and whom I love the most as well. I am really grateful to find someone like him, really. Some people could think that I moved on too fast, but well that's a joke. A HUGE JOKE. They don't even know how hard it was to have your heart broken into pieces. They have no idea how suffering it was to fix those broken pieces. They just don't know. I was even thinking that I would never be able to move on. Well, it's true that I have settled my feeling and it did not take only a night or two. It felt like it took forever. To tell you the truth, some people just can't be forgotten. They remain in your heart. You will always remember them no matter what, but you just know, there is no more love left.
I worry about him sometimes. He, who always acted cool as if nothing happened. I knew he just realised how important a person is after she left. I knew he went through such sleepless nights just like what I had been through. However, there are things that I want him to know. I want him to be happy, just like how happy I feel right now. I don't want him to regret. I want him to love someone again, deeply and seriously. No games played. If he can finally find his happiness again in the near future, how I hope he can cherish it this time. No more tears. No more heartbreak. And how I hope I was the last person to draw that sorrow on his face. How I wish that I was really the last person who broke his heart and saw his tears. Please, be happy and don't ever regret.
I know that I don't have any right to say those things as everything about us has ended in such way. I regretted once, and that's enough. I hated him once, and that's more than enough. I just know that he was once important to me and I had loved him like crazy, but yes, we are never meant to be together.
We are just meant to be lesson for each other. We walk on different path right now. Stop looking back at me as I promise myself I will not ever look back. I once made him promise that he will live a better life after I left, no more nightlife, no more getting drunk at the dawn and no more tears. I wonder if he still remembers. And again, I just want to remind him not to regret for what had happened. God had put us this way to have ourselves improved. We have finally learnt to be a better version of ourselves, no? Be grateful for it, and I know he is :)
PS: I am really grateful to have met him. I could be not good enough, but I am better than I used to be. I now know the taste of heartbreak and I know how to love someone deeply. I also know how beautiful to be the first to apologise. I know how good it was to throw away my pride and ego for the sake of someone else's. Thanks to him.
ASA
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