Hi all, it's been awhile since I last blogged. I always write whenever I have something in my mind, most likely a burden to me, so that at least I would be relieved by sharing it to you all. I know it's not really a good idea because people do judge, they tend to think how I really love to complain so much. Actually, I do want people who read my writings find a lesson, so that they won't be repeating the same mistake like I did. Well, I have this dream since I was in junior high school, that I could someday bless people with my writings. And I hope, it's not merely a dream.
Just yesterday, I read an article with title "Why All Men Cheat on Loyal Women" written by Kevin Hart, you can google it or find it in wordpress of course. Well, since this article was written by a male, I guess he understands the circumstances a lot, so other males would not complain about how the article was written just to only please females and make them demand more from their partner. Admit it, you guys must be fed-up when reading an article written by females with title "100 things that gentlemen should do" or bla bla bla. Anyway, I guess, the article I mentioned above previously deserves attention from both men and women.
One thing written there made me realise how important it is to be a strong-minded woman. Being a strong-minded woman doesn't necessarily mean being stubborn, prideful or superior. No one likes this kind of woman, I bet. I realised a thing from my previous relationship, how I used to be so insecure and weak. I've just noticed this when I read the article yesterday. I used to be truly inferior, I never realised how much I worth, I let others hurt me again and again, thinking that I had to be real strong to endure the pain. But then I felt like I was getting slapped right in my face. Hello, I was not strong at all by giving others chance to disrespect me. I was really WEAK for letting myself fall into insecurity, treating my partner as if he was a KING and making myself think that LOVE needs SACRIFICE. It's kinda embarrassing though. I am actually a very stubborn and determined kind of person but I had this wrong perception about love. I used to think that whenever you love someone, anything else doesn't matter. You might be hurt, you might feel really horrible, you might cry a river, as long as you could make your partner happy, you would find your happiness as well. Crap, don't ever, ever, ever believe in something like that, I am telling you now. It is so TRUE that sacrifice is essential in love relationship, it's not wrong at all. But come to think of it, what kind of sacrifice is it? Are you really willing to do it for the rest of your life? Are you sacrificing alone? You know, having a relationship is a win-win situation. You make yourself happy first, then only you can make your partner happy. If there is only a person trying her/his ass off to keep the relationship whereas the other side has no intention of making effort, it's just useless. The boat would crack and eventually it would be sunken into the deepest ocean. Still wanna be a heroine who tried her best to save those two hearts at once? No, thanks, once is more than enough since nothing actually could be saved. And you would know, it is the time to wave goodbye to the wrong one so that you can experience a new hello :)
Remember, if you have fixed your heart and mind, learn to be a strong-minded woman, you will be ready for the new hello. I kept telling myself that I should love myself first in order to love others. I have to fulfil myself first in order to find a new love. My previous relationship taught me a lot about being strong and loyal, so even though it could be a mistake but it is something that made me move closer to the kind of woman I want to be. I won't regret it.
To conclude, a strong-minded woman is basically a confident, intelligent and independent individual who knows how WORTHY she is as a human being. She won't let others hurt her or disrespect her. She has her own meaning of love. She knows when to forgive and let go. She understands when to be tough and when to give in. She won't compromise liar and cheater just because she loves him so much. She loves herself first and makes herself happy. Only then she can do the same thing to others. It is not as simple as it is written here, but trying is not a sin, no?
To all guys out there, please tell her how valuable she is. Tell her if she's being weak and insecure. Treat her well like she's a queen if you want to be treated like a king. Do apologise first if you know you're wrong, throwing away your pride for good doesn't kill at all. If she can't leave you even after you hurt her so bad, tell her so, tell her to leave you just like he did to me because sometimes girls never realise how much stupid sacrifice they have made. Thanks to him, I am now a better me. I have finally understood the thing that he told me "you would understand someday". Thanks to him for saying "you deserve better". Thanks.
To all girls out there, I know I am not old or experienced enough to tell you this, but let's grow to be a strong-minded woman who is mentally mature and has integrity. If you're not happy in your relationship, or if you're always putting your partner's happiness before yours and you feel tortured by doing so, examine yourself first and discuss it with your partner. If he can't take it, then just leave it. You are worthy and demanding more than you could imagine. Find a man who knows your value, who respects you and who is willing to grow together in faith. You deserve the best.
ASA
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
My only wish
Hi all, it's March again in 2014. The time passed really quick, I feel suffocated somehow. My honours year is going to end soon, but I am still dying settling my stupid experiment. I failed frequently in my lab work, had not-so-good mark for my assignment and faced ups and downs psychologically. I am still hoping that I can graduate with that grade I have been expecting though, at the other side, I am frighten of having too high expectation. People are looking at me as someone who is very cheerful, flexible, confident and determined. How I hope it is true.
Anyway, this is not the main thing I would like to share. The only thought that I have right now is about someone who used to be so important to me. I understand people that often realised how important a person could be after she/he lost him/her. No, I am not talking about myself this time. I am talking about someone. As I told you before, I feel really happy and contented right now. I have somehow found my happiness. I have found someone else who cares of me so much, who can love me the way I am and whom I love the most as well. I am really grateful to find someone like him, really. Some people could think that I moved on too fast, but well that's a joke. A HUGE JOKE. They don't even know how hard it was to have your heart broken into pieces. They have no idea how suffering it was to fix those broken pieces. They just don't know. I was even thinking that I would never be able to move on. Well, it's true that I have settled my feeling and it did not take only a night or two. It felt like it took forever. To tell you the truth, some people just can't be forgotten. They remain in your heart. You will always remember them no matter what, but you just know, there is no more love left.
I worry about him sometimes. He, who always acted cool as if nothing happened. I knew he just realised how important a person is after she left. I knew he went through such sleepless nights just like what I had been through. However, there are things that I want him to know. I want him to be happy, just like how happy I feel right now. I don't want him to regret. I want him to love someone again, deeply and seriously. No games played. If he can finally find his happiness again in the near future, how I hope he can cherish it this time. No more tears. No more heartbreak. And how I hope I was the last person to draw that sorrow on his face. How I wish that I was really the last person who broke his heart and saw his tears. Please, be happy and don't ever regret.
I know that I don't have any right to say those things as everything about us has ended in such way. I regretted once, and that's enough. I hated him once, and that's more than enough. I just know that he was once important to me and I had loved him like crazy, but yes, we are never meant to be together.
We are just meant to be lesson for each other. We walk on different path right now. Stop looking back at me as I promise myself I will not ever look back. I once made him promise that he will live a better life after I left, no more nightlife, no more getting drunk at the dawn and no more tears. I wonder if he still remembers. And again, I just want to remind him not to regret for what had happened. God had put us this way to have ourselves improved. We have finally learnt to be a better version of ourselves, no? Be grateful for it, and I know he is :)
PS: I am really grateful to have met him. I could be not good enough, but I am better than I used to be. I now know the taste of heartbreak and I know how to love someone deeply. I also know how beautiful to be the first to apologise. I know how good it was to throw away my pride and ego for the sake of someone else's. Thanks to him.
ASA
Anyway, this is not the main thing I would like to share. The only thought that I have right now is about someone who used to be so important to me. I understand people that often realised how important a person could be after she/he lost him/her. No, I am not talking about myself this time. I am talking about someone. As I told you before, I feel really happy and contented right now. I have somehow found my happiness. I have found someone else who cares of me so much, who can love me the way I am and whom I love the most as well. I am really grateful to find someone like him, really. Some people could think that I moved on too fast, but well that's a joke. A HUGE JOKE. They don't even know how hard it was to have your heart broken into pieces. They have no idea how suffering it was to fix those broken pieces. They just don't know. I was even thinking that I would never be able to move on. Well, it's true that I have settled my feeling and it did not take only a night or two. It felt like it took forever. To tell you the truth, some people just can't be forgotten. They remain in your heart. You will always remember them no matter what, but you just know, there is no more love left.
I worry about him sometimes. He, who always acted cool as if nothing happened. I knew he just realised how important a person is after she left. I knew he went through such sleepless nights just like what I had been through. However, there are things that I want him to know. I want him to be happy, just like how happy I feel right now. I don't want him to regret. I want him to love someone again, deeply and seriously. No games played. If he can finally find his happiness again in the near future, how I hope he can cherish it this time. No more tears. No more heartbreak. And how I hope I was the last person to draw that sorrow on his face. How I wish that I was really the last person who broke his heart and saw his tears. Please, be happy and don't ever regret.
I know that I don't have any right to say those things as everything about us has ended in such way. I regretted once, and that's enough. I hated him once, and that's more than enough. I just know that he was once important to me and I had loved him like crazy, but yes, we are never meant to be together.
We are just meant to be lesson for each other. We walk on different path right now. Stop looking back at me as I promise myself I will not ever look back. I once made him promise that he will live a better life after I left, no more nightlife, no more getting drunk at the dawn and no more tears. I wonder if he still remembers. And again, I just want to remind him not to regret for what had happened. God had put us this way to have ourselves improved. We have finally learnt to be a better version of ourselves, no? Be grateful for it, and I know he is :)
PS: I am really grateful to have met him. I could be not good enough, but I am better than I used to be. I now know the taste of heartbreak and I know how to love someone deeply. I also know how beautiful to be the first to apologise. I know how good it was to throw away my pride and ego for the sake of someone else's. Thanks to him.
ASA
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Happiness
Recently I have been always thinking what actually happiness means. How could you describe that you actually have lived a happy life? I just figured out that happiness isn't always described as wealth, popularity, intelligence and beauty. You don't necessarily have to be successful or marry a perfect man/woman to be happy. Well, I know that everyone has their own kind of happiness, though. At least, I have found mine.
I am probably not as pretty and smart as other girls. My family is not as rich as other families. I don't really buy branded bags and shoes, I never dare to buy expensive stuffs without calling my mom first. I don't have my own regular income yet (Don't get me wrong, I think it's just reasonable for me since I am still 20). I am a loner at times who enjoys being alone so much, and I am not famous at all (I was a nerd in high school). I have never gained popularity. Okay, I don't think that being able to win a singing competition in my high school could make me popular since nobody really bothered about that. Nonetheless, why do people care so much about being rich, smart, pretty and popular where actually apart from those, we can find our happiness?
A question that stuck in my mind for more than a week that eventually made me realize that I have been really contented all the time, well I am not sure since when.
A friend of mine asked me, "If you can fly through the time and change some moments in your life, what would you like to change?".
I lifted my head and firmly answered, "Nothing. I would change nothing."
I was really surprised by my own answer, but it was the moment I realized that I could not be more grateful than that. If you know me well, you will know that I complained a lot about my school, hoping that I could do better and get best grades. But again, you don't have to be perfect, to feel contented. Well, talking about being perfect, do you even know how to define perfection? Everybody has their own measurement of perfection. Nobody's perfect anyway. And if you keep concerning about "what everybody thinks" about you, you can never be happy. Trust me.
Therefore, rule number 1 to live a happy life: stop comparing yourself to others. You can never improve yourself if you just look at others. Everyone has their own excellence and limitation. You can't expect everyone else to be like you, or vice versa, you can't never be like others. Just do your best and you'll figure out how many people are jealous of you at the end.
Rule number 2 to be happy: don't listen to those people who always spread the negativity. Don't involve yourself to those who can only bring you down to their levels. Choose your friends cleverly. If they bring no good to you at all and suck out your happiness instead, you have nothing left to say but goodbye. Surround yourself with those who care of you, who dare to scold you when you're doing wrongs and those who are able to draw a smile on your face :) Don't waste your time for those who always hurt you. Not to forget, you always have to forgive those people who make mistakes because the time you take a step of forgiveness, you're adding points to your own happiness.
Rule number 3: don't stop learning to be better. As I have mentioned earlier in my previous posts (I forgot which post), people learn through trials and turbulence. Sometimes we can only learn through hard ways, that's right. Stay strong and be determined. How could you be able to grow if you kept complaining about stuffs and refused to walk till the end? You would never be more mature. And it does mean that you'll never find the happiness of yours. Frankly speaking, those who always rely on others will never find their happiness as well. You know why? Because people are disappointing, when you have no one to rely on, you'll regret your dependence on others. It will be the time you realize that you can do nothing without others. Believe me, you'll regret.
Rule number 4, I guess it's related to the previous point: stop doing things that you'll regret in the future. Examples? Well, I know this is kind of offensive, but to tell you the truth, I always think someone who spends their time and money on clubbing, alcoholic beverages, cigarette and women is just idiot. Those stupid stuffs may bring you happiness, that's right, nothing wrong with that. But is it really a long-term happiness? Tell me what's good about those things I mentioned above? Fun? Refreshing? Releasing stress? Wait until you're 50 years old. You're broke, sitting alone suffering from lung cancer, or gut disease and it will also be the time you wanna fly back to undo your own mistakes. Nah, that's too late.
I know I am too young to tell you all about life. But at least I hope that this writing of mine could make you reminisce yourself, how well you have lived your life. If this writing can't bless others, at least it can be a reminder for me in the future.
Live your life well, friends. We have no time for regret.
ASA
Monday, November 4, 2013
Relationship
Before the title of this writing freaks you out, let me explain why I decided to write about this. So yea, recently I have been reading and reminiscing lotsa things about relationship (this topic is so happening in my church right now, and I don't understand why intentionally or unintentionally I have been reading many articles regarding this). And the most significant thing that made me realize how beautiful it is to be in a right relationship was after watching a wedding video of my friends who just got married few days ago. Well, I am not sure whether this reason could be valid, but yea, at least I've tried to find reasons why my mind is so busy thinking about these stuffs lately.
Well, talking about the wedding video, when I watched it I was feeling so happy and envious at the same time. I could not find any vocabulary that could describe how beautiful the wedding was. They looked happy, literally. And it was a kind of happiness with no flaw at all. You just couldn't stop smiling when you saw both of them, and at times you found yourself teary. I am just amazed how a wedding could make me feel so blessed although I was only watching it from a video. Just like a ring that fits your ring finger, I believe that God will send someone compatible with you, makes you realize why it never worked out with somebody else.
Let's think about getting into a relationship. I never mean to lecture anybody here, so no offense. Most of you think that you should TRY to be in relationship first to know whether it would work or not at the end. And most of you think that once you like or love someone, you should TRY to be in the relationship with that person. But there is one thing I would like to tell, although you love a person so much until you think that you are willing to move a mountain or split the ocean just for her/him (I had been in this state before, not to brag), the feeling merely is not enough for a relationship, especially marriage. Feeling gets rusted as time passes by. What keeps people moving in their relationship is the foundation and commitment they built. You shouldn't TRY to be in relationship to know whether it's going to work or not. You should have known it would work if you want to be in relationship. Well, do you all get what I mean here? So again, BE in relationship once you know that it's going to work. Be in relationship once you know you're gonna make it till the end. Well, it sounds like I am selling clothes in the market but yea, "NO TRYING ALLOWED" when you're in relationship. All you have to do here is making effort to survive your relationship till the end, because it is not only talking about feeling, but also sacrifice and humbleness that count.
You should know that going out with someone with different principle and vision would never work for you because you just know you're not going to see him/her in your future either. So again, if you're currently in relationship, but you can't draw an image of you and her/him in your future, I see no reason of you continuing your relationship then. Relationship is not only for a short period of time. It is a life time moment. Respect and appreciate it.
Marriage is a REAL HUGE decision that you've ever made in your life. No turning back at all. No regret is allowed since God never favors divorce. Marriage only knows sacrifice and does not recognize selfishness. When you marry a person, you marry the whole family. It means you're ready for obstacles. Like it or not, you have to be ready to build new family and let go of your egos. You have to think about "giving" not "getting". This is the state where the maximum level of humbleness is required. Well, a lot of thinking to do before getting into one serious relationship huh?
Bear in mind, don't waste your time for games. We play no game in relationship. And I believe, all of us deserve the most beautiful relationship and marriage later on in the future (for those who is single of course), so don't worry and don't be envious. Live your life to its fullest. Don't get into relationship just because you're lonely. Be in relationship when you're ready and mature enough :)
ASA
Well, talking about the wedding video, when I watched it I was feeling so happy and envious at the same time. I could not find any vocabulary that could describe how beautiful the wedding was. They looked happy, literally. And it was a kind of happiness with no flaw at all. You just couldn't stop smiling when you saw both of them, and at times you found yourself teary. I am just amazed how a wedding could make me feel so blessed although I was only watching it from a video. Just like a ring that fits your ring finger, I believe that God will send someone compatible with you, makes you realize why it never worked out with somebody else.
Let's think about getting into a relationship. I never mean to lecture anybody here, so no offense. Most of you think that you should TRY to be in relationship first to know whether it would work or not at the end. And most of you think that once you like or love someone, you should TRY to be in the relationship with that person. But there is one thing I would like to tell, although you love a person so much until you think that you are willing to move a mountain or split the ocean just for her/him (I had been in this state before, not to brag), the feeling merely is not enough for a relationship, especially marriage. Feeling gets rusted as time passes by. What keeps people moving in their relationship is the foundation and commitment they built. You shouldn't TRY to be in relationship to know whether it's going to work or not. You should have known it would work if you want to be in relationship. Well, do you all get what I mean here? So again, BE in relationship once you know that it's going to work. Be in relationship once you know you're gonna make it till the end. Well, it sounds like I am selling clothes in the market but yea, "NO TRYING ALLOWED" when you're in relationship. All you have to do here is making effort to survive your relationship till the end, because it is not only talking about feeling, but also sacrifice and humbleness that count.
You should know that going out with someone with different principle and vision would never work for you because you just know you're not going to see him/her in your future either. So again, if you're currently in relationship, but you can't draw an image of you and her/him in your future, I see no reason of you continuing your relationship then. Relationship is not only for a short period of time. It is a life time moment. Respect and appreciate it.
Marriage is a REAL HUGE decision that you've ever made in your life. No turning back at all. No regret is allowed since God never favors divorce. Marriage only knows sacrifice and does not recognize selfishness. When you marry a person, you marry the whole family. It means you're ready for obstacles. Like it or not, you have to be ready to build new family and let go of your egos. You have to think about "giving" not "getting". This is the state where the maximum level of humbleness is required. Well, a lot of thinking to do before getting into one serious relationship huh?
Bear in mind, don't waste your time for games. We play no game in relationship. And I believe, all of us deserve the most beautiful relationship and marriage later on in the future (for those who is single of course), so don't worry and don't be envious. Live your life to its fullest. Don't get into relationship just because you're lonely. Be in relationship when you're ready and mature enough :)
ASA
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Fake it until you make it
Hello again, it's been quite some time since the last time I wrote. No, I won't be nagging about how unfair life is since we have already known about it. Just few things came into my mind lately which I'd like to share to you all. They said, why would we have to be worried all the time? Worrying won't help though, it'll only shorten your lifespan instead. However, there are just some things that we can't avoid. We tried to distract our mind on something else and well, it helped a lot at the moment. Nonetheless. it's just an escape. So, I repeat, it's an escape. Trust me, no matter how hard you try to distract your mind, it's still useless if you haven't made a deal with your heart.
So yeah, you'll start to find that this writing is so useless. You may stop reading. I don't care.
One thing I've learnt about life lately that I shouldn't have assumed too much. Well, humans love to make assumptions, no? That's just so natural. But everything comes with "too much" has never been good. Eating too much? You'll be gaining weight. Exercising too much? You'll be over-trained and most likely losing muscles. Singing too much? You'll be probably losing your voice on the next day. Duh, well, it's going off the topic now. Excuse me.
Well yea, how to deal with your heart then? Here, I'd like to share to you all how I have gone through the most terrible situation in my life. Frankly speaking, I have experienced depression before. Few times. Those moments were the worst I'd ever been. Waking up and realizing that no one's going to be by your side. Honestly, while you're being depressed, you'd feel that you're living alone in this world. Totally alone. You'd ignored everything. You'd forget how to smile. The only thing that you'd see was your own ache. Nothing else. You'd try to get along with any activity that could make you forget about the pain, but you just couldn't. It happened that way because you yourself never tried to deal with your heart. And your stupid assumptions made the situation even worse. You started to think wrongly and spread the negativity. Well, no wonder you're being so lonely now 'cause no one's going to get closed to you.
Making assumption is fine I guess. But not the negative ones. If you don't feel like assuming positively, then just don't assume anything. Because life is actually not that cruel, your assumptions make it so. I guess, by letting go, everything can be settled slowly. Letting go here does not only talk about persons, but also feelings and rights. I know, you can't simply let go of something or someone overnight, it takes time. Long time.
Have you ever heard this quote before? "Fake it until you make it". Pretend to let go, without assuming and expecting anything and once it's becoming your habit, you can slowly do it. You'll know how beautiful it is to get your heart fixed. This time, you're definitely getting stronger and more mature. The next time when people or life try to bring you down, you'll just know what to do.
Anyway, if some people annoy you a lot, stop being so angry and assuming things. They might not understand their faults. Letting go is the best way to mend everything. I like this quote as well, "Stop letting others bring you down to their level - refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs". An advice from me: if you have problem, don't keep it for your own and start complaining about how unfair life could be. Talk to someone else wiser than you. If people annoy you, communicate with those person you feel uneasy with. Their responses are their choices though, you have no control on them. But well, if they refuse to listen and give you negative feedback otherwise, that's their problems. Not yours. Your job is done here. As long as you have fixed your heart by letting go your feelings and rights, the rest comes later.
Nothing more important than fixing your heart, friends.
By the way, I really like the song "Fix You" by Coldplay recently. You may listen to it too while you're feeling blue :)
ASA
So yeah, you'll start to find that this writing is so useless. You may stop reading. I don't care.
One thing I've learnt about life lately that I shouldn't have assumed too much. Well, humans love to make assumptions, no? That's just so natural. But everything comes with "too much" has never been good. Eating too much? You'll be gaining weight. Exercising too much? You'll be over-trained and most likely losing muscles. Singing too much? You'll be probably losing your voice on the next day. Duh, well, it's going off the topic now. Excuse me.
Well yea, how to deal with your heart then? Here, I'd like to share to you all how I have gone through the most terrible situation in my life. Frankly speaking, I have experienced depression before. Few times. Those moments were the worst I'd ever been. Waking up and realizing that no one's going to be by your side. Honestly, while you're being depressed, you'd feel that you're living alone in this world. Totally alone. You'd ignored everything. You'd forget how to smile. The only thing that you'd see was your own ache. Nothing else. You'd try to get along with any activity that could make you forget about the pain, but you just couldn't. It happened that way because you yourself never tried to deal with your heart. And your stupid assumptions made the situation even worse. You started to think wrongly and spread the negativity. Well, no wonder you're being so lonely now 'cause no one's going to get closed to you.
Making assumption is fine I guess. But not the negative ones. If you don't feel like assuming positively, then just don't assume anything. Because life is actually not that cruel, your assumptions make it so. I guess, by letting go, everything can be settled slowly. Letting go here does not only talk about persons, but also feelings and rights. I know, you can't simply let go of something or someone overnight, it takes time. Long time.
Have you ever heard this quote before? "Fake it until you make it". Pretend to let go, without assuming and expecting anything and once it's becoming your habit, you can slowly do it. You'll know how beautiful it is to get your heart fixed. This time, you're definitely getting stronger and more mature. The next time when people or life try to bring you down, you'll just know what to do.
Anyway, if some people annoy you a lot, stop being so angry and assuming things. They might not understand their faults. Letting go is the best way to mend everything. I like this quote as well, "Stop letting others bring you down to their level - refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs". An advice from me: if you have problem, don't keep it for your own and start complaining about how unfair life could be. Talk to someone else wiser than you. If people annoy you, communicate with those person you feel uneasy with. Their responses are their choices though, you have no control on them. But well, if they refuse to listen and give you negative feedback otherwise, that's their problems. Not yours. Your job is done here. As long as you have fixed your heart by letting go your feelings and rights, the rest comes later.
Nothing more important than fixing your heart, friends.
By the way, I really like the song "Fix You" by Coldplay recently. You may listen to it too while you're feeling blue :)
ASA
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